The holiday season is upon us.  If you’re one of my readers in the USA, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.  There are lots of celebrations still to come this time of year.  If you work for a large company, you probably will be invited to a couple of company sponsored holiday parties, and maybe even a few dinners.  I have an important piece of career advice for you here.  Business events and meals are about business, not the food.

Remember this the next time you are invited to share a meal – whether breakfast, lunch or dinner – with a business colleague.  As I’ve mentioned above, knowing dining etiquette rules is a good place to start.  Taking it easy on alcohol is another great idea.  However, it’s also important to pay attention to what you order.

Here’s a personal story that really makes this point…

Over 30 years ago, I had just accepted a job as the Training Manager for a division of a large company. Our division was located in New Haven, CT, a city with a large Italian population and a lot of great Italian restaurants.

About a month after I began my job, the VP of Human Resources for the corporation was hosting a two-day meeting of all of the senior HR people in the company at our location. Since the meeting was at our location, junior people like me were invited to a dinner held the evening of the first day of the meeting. I was looking forward to this dinner.  It was an opportunity for me to impress some senior people in other divisions.

One of my junior colleagues was a local woman. She was excited about the choice of the restaurant. Of course it was an Italian restaurant. She had been there on special occasions with her husband. She was very fond of a dish called zuppa de pesce, a medley of seafood served over spaghetti. A couple of days before the meeting she told me about that this dish and that it was available for two only and asked if I would be willing to share it with her. I said, “Sure.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and sure enough, zuppa de pesce was on the menu. My friend and I ordered it. What a disaster!

First the waiters brought lobster bibs for both of us. No one else had ordered this dish, so we were the only ones wearing our bibs. When the food arrived, everyone had a dish of pasta, or some grilled fish, or a steak. The zuppa de pesce was served on a silver tray so big that the waiters had to bring a side table for it. There was enough fish and pasta to feed the entire table. My friend dug in and really enjoyed her dinner. I felt like I was a character in The Godfather.

I spent my time trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with people I wanted to impress while I was wearing a lobster bib and working hard to make sure that I didn’t spill any red sauce, or “gravy,” as the waiter called it, on my suit.

I didn’t lose any points that night – but I didn’t make any either.  It was pretty apparent to most people that I was there for the food, not for the conversation.

I learned a lesson that day; one which you should keep in mind this holiday season.  Business meals are not about the food.  Always order something that is easy to eat and won’t call attention to you as you eat it. I try to be a good friend, and in social situations, I will often share an entrée that is available for two only – but I never do that in a business situation.  Because business dinners are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  This holiday season you are likely to be invited to some business related parties and dinners.  Treat these events as business meetings in a social setting, not social events.  Brush up on your table manners before a business dinner.  Drink alcohol in moderation – just because it’s free is not an excuse for over indulging.  Order something that is easy to eat, and something that will not call attention to yourself.  The restaurant may be offering five pound lobsters, but that doesn’t make them a good choice for a business meal.  Have fun at these events but use your common sense.  Treat holiday parties and dinners as an opportunity to network and make connections that will help you create the life and career success you deserve.

That’s my career advice on how to behave at business holiday parties and dinners.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site on September 1.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  You can find out about the membership site by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb.

I often tell my career success coach clients that business meals are not about the food.  They are about the conversation.  Tweet 75 in my latest career advice book Success Tweets says, “Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.”

The other day, I saw a great article by Kirk Baumann on the Corn on the Job blog.  It was about how to handle job interviews over lunch.  Check it out…

For recruiters or hiring managers, the lunch interview gives them additional perspective and insight into the “real you”.  People can memorize GREAT answers to the toughest interview questions; having a phenomenal resume, even appearing to have excellent communication skills can only get you so far.  The lunch interview (or dinner – whatever) puts you to the test.

It’s designed for two reasons:

1. To allow the recruiter or hiring manager to get to know you on a more personal level.

2. To see how you react to situations out of your comfort zone or element.  You’re not in the office conference room with the interviewer or a panel.  You’re in a much different setting with all kinds of variables to throw you off your game.

A few tips to help you make the most of your lunch:

• Bring a notepad and something to write with – just because it’s lunch doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking notes
• Be polite to the host, wait staff, ANYONE you interact with at the restaurant – people are watching and listening.  I’ve even known hiring managers to arrive late and ask the staff about their interaction just to test the candidate.  NOTE: Wait for the interviewer to arrive before being seated.
• Know before you go – check the restaurant’s menu ahead of time.  Most are online these days.  If you have dietary restrictions or are watching calories, you’ll have plenty of time to pour over the menu.  Select 2-3 (just in case the restaurant doesn’t have your first choice) dishes that look good and keep them in mind when ordering.  Be prepared and know what you want – you’ll  make a good impression.
• Order something simple – the point is to land the job.  You can order the rack of ribs during your celebration dinner afterwards.  Stick to things that can be eaten easily with a knife and fork.  I’d also recommend water or other non-alcoholic beverages.  If the host orders wine, politely decline. 

Kirk is right on with this post.  A recruiter friend once told me the story of a young man who lost a sales position with a very prestigious company because he did not know the proper way to eat a foil wrapped baked potato. 

The proper way, by the way, is to cut into the potato with the foil on, open the potato, add condiments (butter, sour cream etc.) and eat the potato while it is still in the foil, leaving the foil and potato skin on your plate when you are finished.  The young man  removed the potato from the foil, balled up the foil and placed it on the table.

I think that the sales manager who decided not to hire this oung man was a bit impulsive.  If he was an otherwise outstanding candidate, I’m sure that once he was told how to properly eat a foil wrapped baked potato, he would not have repeated the mistake.  Unfortunately, he lost the job because of this gaffe.

There is some great career advice here through.  If you know basic table manners, you won’t have to worry about faux pas like this.  And, you’ll be comfortable at the lunch or dinner table because you’ll be able to focus on the conversation, not on worrying about the rules of dining etiquette.

Business meals provide you with a great opportunity to make a positive personal impact. They also can be disasters waiting to happen.  If you know and follow the simple rules of dining etiquette you’ll be fine. 

Here’s an embarrassing business dining story from my youth that goes to Kirk’s point about ordering something simple…

About 30 years ago, I had just accepted a job as the Training Manager for a division of a large company. Our division was located in New Haven, CT, a city with a large Italian population and a lot of great Italian restaurants.

About a month after I began my job, the VP of Human Resources for the corporation was hosting a two-day meeting of all of the senior HR people in the company at our location. Since the meeting was at our location, junior people like me were invited to a dinner held the evening of the first day of the meeting. I was looking forward to this dinner.  It was an opportunity for me to impress some senior people in other divisions.

One of my junior colleagues was a local woman. She was excited about the choice of the restaurant. Of course it was an Italian restaurant. She had been there on special occasions with her husband. She was very fond of a dish called zuppa de pesce, a medley of seafood served over spaghetti. A couple of days before the meeting she told me about that this dish and that it was available for two only and asked if I would be willing to share it with her. I said, “Sure.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and sure enough, zuppa de pesce was on the menu. My friend and I ordered it. What a disaster!

First the waiters brought lobster bibs for both of us. No one else had ordered this dish, so we were the only ones wearing our bibs. When the food arrived, everyone had a dish of pasta, or some grilled fish, or a steak. The zuppa de pesce was served on a silver tray so big that the waiters had to bring a side table for it. There was enough fish and pasta to feed the entire table. My friend dug in and really enjoyed her dinner. I felt like I was a character in The Godfather.

I spent my time trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with people I wanted to impress while I was wearing a lobster bib and working hard to make sure that I didn’t spill any red sauce, or “gravy,” as the waiter called it, on my suit. 

I didn’t lose any points that night – but I didn’t make any either.  It was pretty apparent to most people that I was there for the food, not for the conversation.

I learned a lesson that day. Always order something that is easy to eat and don’t call attention to you as you eat it. I try to be a good friend, and in social situations, I will often share an entrée that is available for two only – but I never do that in a business situation.  Because business dinners are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Business meals are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.  That means you need to follow the career advice in Tweet 75 in Success Tweets.  “Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.”  You want to look polished and poised during business meals.  If you know the rules, you’ll be able to spend time focusing on the conversation – not worrying about which fork to use.  As Kirk Baumann points out in his guest post on the Corn on the Job blog, this career advice is even more important when you are being interviewed over lunch or dinner.

That’s my take on the Kirk Baumann’s career advice on lunch interviews in his guest post on Corn on the Job.  What’s yours?  Do you have any funny stories about business meals?  If so, please take a minute and share them with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading these musings on life and career success.

Bud

Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is my new career success coach book.  I’m proud to say that it has just gone into its second printing.  I also want to thank all of the kind folks who have posted a review of Success Tweets on Amazon.com.  You folks are the best.  I really appreciate you. 

You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or on line at amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download the eBook version for free at www.SuccessTweets.com.

Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 75…

Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.

In a recent post, I told the story of a young man who lost a sales position with a very prestigious company because he did not know the proper way to eat a foil wrapped baked potato.  The proper way by the way, is to cut into the potato with the foil on, open the potato, add condiments (butter, sour cream etc.) and eat the potato while it is still in the foil, leaving the foil and potato skin on your plate when you are finished.  The young man I described removed the potato from the foil, balled up the foil and placed it on the table.

As I mentioned in that post, I think that the sales manager who decided not to hire him made a poor decision.  If this young man was an otherwise outstanding candidate, I’m sure that once he was told how to properly eat a foil wrapped baked potato, he would not have repeated the mistake.  Unfortunately, he lost the job because of this gaffe.

If you know basic table manners, you won’t have to worry about faux pas like this.  And, you’ll be comfortable at the business dinner table because you’ll be able to focus on the conversation, not on worrying about the rules of dining etiquette.

Business meals provide you with a great opportunity to make a positive personal impact. They also can be disasters waiting to happen.  If you know and follow the simple rules of dining etiquette you’ll be fine. 

Here is my best career advice on making the best of the opportunity that business meals afford you. First, use your common sense.  These rules aren’t all that complicated, and your common sense will tell you what to do.

Place settings can be a bit of a challenge, especially when there are a lot of people crammed around a small, round table.  If you remember that your water glass is to your right, and your bread and butter plate is to your left, you’ll be off to a good start.  If one of your fellow diners uses your bread plate, don’t comment.  Use your main plate for your bread. In this way, you won’t inconvenience the person to your right, nor embarrass the person to your left.

Your salad fork is the little one on the far left, and your soup spoon is the big one on the far right. If you remember this, and work from the outside in, you’ll be unlikely to make any cutlery mistakes.  Sharon Hill has come up with a clever way of remembering where things are on a table: BMW.  Moving from left to right, you will find your bread plate (B), then your meal plate (M) and finally your water (or anything wet) (W).

There are a few simple courtesies that can help you get through any business meal.  Place your napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down.  Sit up straight.  Keep your elbows off the table.  You can rest your wrists on the table.

Cocktails and beer are before dinner. Wine accompanies dinner.  Drink alcohol in moderation. 

If you choose not to drink wine with your meal, do not turn over your wine glass.  Simply say “no thanks” when the waiter is pouring for the table.

Wait until everyone at the table has been served before you begin to eat. If one person’s food is delayed and he or she suggests that you should begin eating, feel free to do so.

Order with care.  It’s almost impossible to eat pasta that needs to be twirled and look sophisticated doing it.  Order foods that are easy to eat.  Lobster, snails, shrimp with the tails on are good things to avoid when you are business dining.

Break – don’t cut – your bread or roll.  That’s why dining is sometimes called “breaking bread.”  Pass the salt and pepper shaker as a pair – even if someone asks for only one.  Spoon soup away from you.  This will help you avoid spilling it on you.  Sip, don’t slurp soup.

When you are finished eating, place your knife and fork on your plate at 4 o’clock.  Fold your napkin and place it to the left of your plate.  This will indicate to the server that you are finished with your meal. 

These are simple rules that should help you get through business meals with grace and aplomb.  One final bit of career advice to remember.  Business meals are not about the food.  

I’d like to tell you an embarrassing business dining story from early in my career…

As I mentioned above, order with care.  About 30 years ago, I had just accepted a job as the Training Manager for a division of a large company. Our division was located in New Haven CT, a city with a large Italian population and a lot of great Italian restaurants.

About a month after I began my job, the VP of Human Resources for the corporation was hosting a two-day meeting of all of the senior HR people in the company at our location.

Since the meeting was at our location, junior people like me were invited to a dinner held the evening of the first day of the meeting. I was looking forward to this dinner.  It was an opportunity for me to impress some senior people in other divisions.

One of my junior colleagues was a local woman. She was excited about the choice of the restaurant. Of course it was an Italian restaurant. She had been there on special occasions with her husband. She was very fond of a dish called zuppa de pesce, a medley of seafood served over spaghetti. A couple of days before the meeting she told me about this dish and that it was available only for two.  She asked if I would be willing to share it with her. I said, “Sure.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and sure enough, zuppa de pesce was on the menu. My friend and I ordered it. What a disaster!

First the waiters brought lobster bibs for both of us. No one else had ordered this dish, so we were the only ones wearing bibs. When the food arrived, everyone had a dish of pasta, or some grilled fish, or a steak. The zuppa de pesce was served on a silver tray so big that the waiters had to bring a side table for it. There was enough fish and pasta to feed the entire table. My friend dug in and really enjoyed her dinner. I felt like I was a character in The Godfather.

I spent my time trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with people I wanted to impress while I was wearing a lobster bib and working hard to make sure that I didn’t spill any red sauce, or “gravy,” as the waiter called it, on my suit. 

I didn’t lose any points that night – but I didn’t make any either.  It was pretty apparent to most people that I was there for the food, not for the conversation.

I learned a lesson that day that is really good career advice.  At business meals always order something that is easy to eat and won’t call attention to you as you eat it.

I try to be a good friend, and in social situations, I will often share an entrée that is available for two only – but I never do that in a business situation.  Because business dinners are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Business meals are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.  That means you need to follow the career advice in Tweet 75 in Success Tweets.  “Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.”  You want to look polished and poised during business meals.  If you know the rules, you’ll be able to spend time focusing on the conversation – not worrying about which fork to use.

That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 75.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  Embarrassing stories from which you learned a lesson are also invited here.  We won’t be laughing at you, we’ll be laughing with you – and we’ll all learn something.  As usual, thanks for reading.

Bud