In yesterday’s post, I focused on the importance of taking personal responsibility for your life and career success.  Just after I posted that blog, I read a very interesting article by Deborah Shane on the Careerealism site: “Success Begins Between Your Ears in Your Mindset.”

I’m a Careerealism Approved Expert.  It’s a great site offering a ton of common sense career advice.  I also like Deborah Shane and her ideas, so I’m sharing them here.  According to Deborah, there are five things you can do to nurture your positive energy, help you get focused, disciplined and set up your daily mindset…

1. Set aside quiet time to be focused and organized. Just 30 minutes early in the day can fuel your mind and spirit with motivation. It can have a huge impact on the rest of the day.  Rotate motivational or inspirational content around so it is fresh and has a more profound impact on you every day. Seek out books, websites, newsletters, inspiring people and other media from alternative sources.
2. Keep things in perspective. Focus on your goals and initiatives. Seek out alternative sources for news and information. There are so many examples of people or businesses finding positive opportunities in challenging times and representing the solution, not the problem.
3. Manage your time, tasks and interruptions. Practice time blocking. Build your daily and weekly schedule in advance. Assign periods for your activities. Stay on schedule to accomplish what you need to do through your day. Be flexible. When things change, go with the flow.
4. Stay in touch regularly with those that are important to you and always make you feel valued and special. Pick up the phone; call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Dash off a quick e-mail or note to someone and let them know you are thinking of them. Keeping your “positive people” active daily can be powerful for your future success and your positive well-being. Don’t isolate, congregate.
5. Have fun, practice laughter and develop your sense of humor. Enjoy your workspace and co-workers. Plan a family day. Take the dog to the dog park. Organize a game night with friends.

I particularly like number 4: “Stay in touch regularly with those that are important to you and always make you feel valued and special.”  Relationships are important. 

I have several Eagles songs on my iPod.  I know that it’s become fashionable to bash the Eagles these days, but I was a fan years ago and am still a fan today.  “Desperado” is my favorite Eagles song.  It came up on the shuffle the other day when I was flying home from a week of consulting work.  As I was listening, I was struck by the following words…

“And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”

These lyrics are right on.  You are putting yourself into a self-imposed prison if you choose to go it alone.  We all need other people in our lives if we’re going to grow, flourish and create our life and career success.  This is true in your personal life, as well as your career and professional life.  Building and nurturing strong relationships is one of the keys to creating the life and career success you want and deserve.

Other people can keep you centered and feeling valued and special.  But I think it’s just as important to do the same for them.  Tweet 129 in my career advice book Success Tweets says, “There is no quid pro quo in effective relationships.  Do for others without being asked or waiting for them to do for you.” 

By staying in touch with friends, you’ll not only be helping yourself and your mindset, you may be helping these folks.  You never know who is going through a rough patch in their life.  I have had many people say to me “I’m glad you called, I really need to talk to somebody about…” when I just called to say hello.  

This is a quid pro quo world: you do for me and I’ll do for you.  There is a fundamental problem with quid pro quo.  It is reactive not proactive and comes from a scarcity mentality.  Too many people wait for others to go first.  They adopt the attitude, “When and if you do for me, I’ll do for you.”  This scarcity mentality is not conducive to building strong relationships.  When you come from a scarcity mentality, you focus on holding on to what you already have.  This can prevent you from receiving what you might possibly get.

On the other hand, paying it forward, giving with no expectation of return, comes from a proactive abundance mentality.  When you pay it forward, give with no expectation of return, you are demonstrating faith that the good you do will benefit others – and that good things will come back to you.

I believe this with all my heart.  So pick up the phone, or send an email or handwritten note to your friends for no reason.  Be there to listen to them when they are dealing with tough stuff.  When you help others, they’ll be there for you when you need them. 

There are two career success coach points here.  Both are simple common sense.  First, as Deborah Shane points out, to create your life and career success, you need to nurture your positive energy, and get focused and disciplined.  Second, strong relationships are the key to nurturing your positive energy.  Follow the life and career advice in tweet 129 in Success Tweets.  “There is no quid pro quo in effective relationships.  Do for others without being asked or waiting for them to do for you.”   In other words, don’t just get in touch with friends when you need something.  Stay in touch to build and strengthen your relationship with them.  You never know when someone might really need to hear a friendly voice on the other end of the line.

That’s the career advice I take from Deborah Shane’s ideas on success beginning with your mindset.  What do you think? Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

In yesterday’s post, I focused on the importance of taking personal responsibility for your life and career success.  Just after I posted that blog, I read a very interesting article by Deborah Shane on the Careerealism site: “Success Begins Between Your Ears in Your Mindset.”

I’m a Careerealism Approved Expert.  It’s a great site offering a ton of common sense career advice.  I also like Deborah Shane and her ideas, so I’m sharing them here.  According to Deborah, there are five things you can do to nurture your positive energy, help you get focused, disciplined and set up your daily mindset…

1. Set aside quiet time to be focused and organized. Just 30 minutes early in the day can fuel your mind and spirit with motivation. It can have a huge impact on the rest of the day.  Rotate motivational or inspirational content around so it is fresh and has a more profound impact on you every day. Seek out books, websites, newsletters, inspiring people and other media from alternative sources.
2. Keep things in perspective. Focus on your goals and initiatives. Seek out alternative sources for news and information. There are so many examples of people or businesses finding positive opportunities in challenging times and representing the solution, not the problem.
3. Manage your time, tasks and interruptions. Practice time blocking. Build your daily and weekly schedule in advance. Assign periods for your activities. Stay on schedule to accomplish what you need to do through your day. Be flexible. When things change, go with the flow.
4. Stay in touch regularly with those that are important to you and always make you feel valued and special. Pick up the phone; call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Dash off a quick e-mail or note to someone and let them know you are thinking of them. Keeping your “positive people” active daily can be powerful for your future success and your positive well-being. Don’t isolate, congregate.
5. Have fun, practice laughter and develop your sense of humor. Enjoy your workspace and co-workers. Plan a family day. Take the dog to the dog park. Organize a game night with friends.

I particularly like number 4: “Stay in touch regularly with those that are important to you and always make you feel valued and special.”  Relationships are important. 

I have several Eagles songs on my iPod.  I know that it’s become fashionable to bash the Eagles these days, but I was a fan years ago and am still a fan today.  “Desperado” is my favorite Eagles song.  It came up on the shuffle the other day when I was flying home from a week of consulting work.  As I was listening, I was struck by the following words…

“And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”

These lyrics are right on.  You are putting yourself into a self-imposed prison if you choose to go it alone.  We all need other people in our lives if we’re going to grow, flourish and create our life and career success.  This is true in your personal life, as well as your career and professional life.  Building and nurturing strong relationships is one of the keys to creating the life and career success you want and deserve.

Other people can keep you centered and feeling valued and special.  But I think it’s just as important to do the same for them.  Tweet 129 in my career advice book Success Tweets says, “There is no quid pro quo in effective relationships.  Do for others without being asked or waiting for them to do for you.” 

By staying in touch with friends, you’ll not only be helping yourself and your mindset, you may be helping these folks.  You never know who is going through a rough patch in their life.  I have had many people say to me “I’m glad you called, I really need to talk to somebody about…” when I just called to say hello.  

This is a quid pro quo world: you do for me and I’ll do for you.  There is a fundamental problem with quid pro quo.  It is reactive not proactive and comes from a scarcity mentality.  Too many people wait for others to go first.  They adopt the attitude, “When and if you do for me, I’ll do for you.”  This scarcity mentality is not conducive to building strong relationships.  When you come from a scarcity mentality, you focus on holding on to what you already have.  This can prevent you from receiving what you might possibly get.

On the other hand, paying it forward, giving with no expectation of return, comes from a proactive abundance mentality.  When you pay it forward, give with no expectation of return, you are demonstrating faith that the good you do will benefit others – and that good things will come back to you.

I believe this with all my heart.  So pick up the phone, or send an email or handwritten note to your friends for no reason.  Be there to listen to them when they are dealing with tough stuff.  When you help others, they’ll be there for you when you need them. 

There are two career success coach points here.  Both are simple common sense.  First, as Deborah Shane points out, to create your life and career success, you need to nurture your positive energy, and get focused and disciplined.  Second, strong relationships are the key to nurturing your positive energy.  Follow the life and career advice in tweet 129 in Success Tweets.  “There is no quid pro quo in effective relationships.  Do for others without being asked or waiting for them to do for you.”   In other words, don’t just get in touch with friends when you need something.  Stay in touch to build and strengthen your relationship with them.  You never know when someone might really need to hear a friendly voice on the other end of the line.

That’s the career advice I take from Deborah Shane’s ideas on success beginning with your mindset.  What do you think? Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

I have a big day today.  First, I’m doing a talk on career success for MBA students at the Columbia Business School.  Then I’m appearing on an internet TV show with J T O’Donnell of Careerealism to discuss how to get a promotion.  I’m going to use the same material for both.

I’ll be focusing on what I call “The Biggest Myth About Life and Career Success.”  That myth is “Good performance is enough.”

Good performance is not enough.  In today’s highly competitive world, it is merely the price of admission.  If you want to become a life and career success, you need to do seven things well.  I’ll discuss these seven in my talk at Columbia and in the Careerealism internet TV show.  I used them in the talk I did for my Sigma Nu fraternity brothers at Penn State on Wednesday.

Here is the one page outline I use that covers all of these points.  It succinctly captures everything I believe to be true about creating the life and career success you want and deserve….

1) Clarify the purpose and direction for your life and career.

• Define your personal definition of career success.
• Create a vivid mental image of yourself as a career success.
• Clarify your values; act in a manner consistent with them.

2) Commit to your career success.

• Take personal responsibility for achieving your career success.
• Set high goals; do whatever it takes to achieve them.
• Stuff happens on the road to career success. Choose to respond positively to whatever happens.

3) Build your self confidence.

• Choose optimism. 
• Face your fears and act.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Find a mentor to help you create your career success.

4) Create positive personal impact.

• Build your unique personal brand.
• Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line.
• Know and follow the basic rules of business etiquette.

5) Perform in an outstanding manner.

• Master your technical discipline.
• Become a lifelong learner.
• Manage your time, life and stress. 
• Live a healthy lifestyle.

6) Become a dynamic communicator.

• Develop your conversation skills.
• Develop your writing skills. 
• Develop your presentation skills.

7) Build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships.

• Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand others. 
• Pay it forward.  Give with no expectation of return. 
• Use conflict as an opportunity to strengthen, not destroy, your relationships.

These are simple common sense ideas.  Some are easier to implement than others.  However I believe that you must be pretty good at all seven, and really good at one or two to create the life and career success you want and deserve.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Good performance, while important, is not enough to guarantee your life and career success.  In addition to becoming a good performer you have to: clarify the purpose and direction for your life and career, commit to taking personal responsibility for your career success, build unshakeable self confidence, create positive personal impact, become a dynamic communicator and build strong, lasting mutually beneficial relationships.

That’s my career advice on creating the life and career success you want and deserve.  What do you think?  Which of these are your strong suits?  On which of these do you need to do some work?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my thoughts on life and career success.

Bud

PS — I discuss each of the seven keys to career success in my career advice book,  Success Tweets.  You can download a free copy at http://www.successtweets.com

I have a big day today.  First, I’m doing a talk on career success for MBA students at the Columbia Business School.  Then I’m appearing on an internet TV show with J T O’Donnell of Careerealism to discuss how to get a promotion.  I’m going to use the same material for both.

I’ll be focusing on what I call “The Biggest Myth About Life and Career Success.”  That myth is “Good performance is enough.”

Good performance is not enough.  In today’s highly competitive world, it is merely the price of admission.  If you want to become a life and career success, you need to do seven things well.  I’ll discuss these seven in my talk at Columbia and in the Careerealism internet TV show.  I used them in the talk I did for my Sigma Nu fraternity brothers at Penn State on Wednesday.

Here is the one page outline I use that covers all of these points.  It succinctly captures everything I believe to be true about creating the life and career success you want and deserve….

1) Clarify the purpose and direction for your life and career.

• Define your personal definition of career success.
• Create a vivid mental image of yourself as a career success.
• Clarify your values; act in a manner consistent with them.

2) Commit to your career success.

• Take personal responsibility for achieving your career success.
• Set high goals; do whatever it takes to achieve them.
• Stuff happens on the road to career success. Choose to respond positively to whatever happens.

3) Build your self confidence.

• Choose optimism. 
• Face your fears and act.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Find a mentor to help you create your career success.

4) Create positive personal impact.

• Build your unique personal brand.
• Be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line.
• Know and follow the basic rules of business etiquette.

5) Perform in an outstanding manner.

• Master your technical discipline.
• Become a lifelong learner.
• Manage your time, life and stress. 
• Live a healthy lifestyle.

6) Become a dynamic communicator.

• Develop your conversation skills.
• Develop your writing skills. 
• Develop your presentation skills.

7) Build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships.

• Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand others. 
• Pay it forward.  Give with no expectation of return. 
• Use conflict as an opportunity to strengthen, not destroy, your relationships.

These are simple common sense ideas.  Some are easier to implement than others.  However I believe that you must be pretty good at all seven, and really good at one or two to create the life and career success you want and deserve.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Good performance, while important, is not enough to guarantee your life and career success.  In addition to becoming a good performer you have to: clarify the purpose and direction for your life and career, commit to taking personal responsibility for your career success, build unshakeable self confidence, create positive personal impact, become a dynamic communicator and build strong, lasting mutually beneficial relationships.

That’s my career advice on creating the life and career success you want and deserve.  What do you think?  Which of these are your strong suits?  On which of these do you need to do some work?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my thoughts on life and career success.

Bud

PS — I discuss each of the seven keys to career success in my career advice book,  Success Tweets.  You can download a free copy at http://www.successtweets.com

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  The other day, I got a big order from Toastmasters International.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 104…

Learn to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder—your career.

I’ve been looking over the transcripts of my old internet radio show.  I had some pretty interesting guests who said some pretty interesting things.  Debra Fine, author of the best seller The Fine Art of Small Talk was one of my guests.  We discussed how to become a good conversationalist.  
 
Here is part of what Debra had to say… 

Bud: What are some icebreakers or conversation starters that shy people – or anyone—can use to get a conversation going?

Debra:  Don’t be afraid to dig deeper.  When you say to them “how’s work” they’re going to say “pretty good” or “good” or “great” or whatever.  Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, “So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked”, or if you say to somebody “how were your holidays” and they say “great”, “well, what did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?”  Let them know you are sincere, when you are sincere, when you have the time. 
 
We say to our friends, “how are you Bud?”, “great”, you got to follow up with something like “Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?”  Now Bud knows I really want to know how he is, otherwise “how are you” means “hello”.  That’s all it means.  My own husband will walk into the house and say “how was your day” and I’ll say “pretty good” because my guess is my husband doesn’t really want to know how my day is and this is my second husband, Bud, okay?  And he doesn’t want to know.  But if he digs in deeper, I’ll know that he was interested. 
 
Okay, so that’s just one tip.  We don’t want to become FBI agents, that’s why that one following question is important, but no more after that.  You don’t want to do one of these numbers, “Bud, what do you do?”  So, what’s your answer to that, Bud? 
 
Bud:  Well, I’m a career success coach, speaker, author, blogger and right now, an internet radio show host.
 
Debra:  And, Bud, it sounds like you have an accent from back east, so what part of the country are you from?
 
Bud:  Pittsburgh.

Debra: Look at what just happened.  I said “what do you do, Bud” and you said career success coach, etc. and I said it sounds like you have an accent, like you’re from back east or something and you responded to that.  I became an FBI agent.  That was the point of that little shtick.  If you’re going to start with “what do you do,” stay on topic.
 
Bud:  You make a great point here.  People get uncomfortable if you jump around in conversations because it gets them off balance, they don’t know what’s coming next.  So if you begin a conversation by asking somebody about their job or career, ask a follow up question about their job or career.  I think this is tremendous career advice — making sure that you follow up with a question that’s on target, not something that goes off in another direction.
 
Debra:  And I’m saying to you to make it an open-ended question.  “Tell me about it, describe that for me, how was that like for you, how did you come up with that idea?”  Everybody’s got to use an open-ended question if at all possible so you can open up the conversation.  Do we have a couple more minutes for another tip?
 
Bud:  Yes we do.
 
Debra:  Okay, let’s talk about the most common response to the question, “what’s been going on in your life?” Do you know what most of us say to “what’s been going on?” 

Bud:  Not much.
 
Debra:  Exactly.  That’s exactly right.  We say “not much” or “nothing.”  And I bet you would have said “not much” if I asked you that question because that’s what first came out of your mouth just now when I asked that, and yet you told me before we started this interview that you’re going to New York tomorrow.  
 
I think there’s a lot going on and “not much” is just a bunch of bologna, right?  And that’s how it is for all of us.  We’ve all said “not much” and what we really mean is “there’s so much going on, I can’t possibly think of what it is so I’ll just say not much.”  That’s what we mean.  There’s just too much going on to think of what to say.  
 
Now, if you’re just walking down the hall and don’t have time to stop and chat, a one-word answer like that is fine and dandy.  But, if you’d like to connect at an annual conference when someone says to you “what’s been going on?”  Please have an answer.  It doesn’t have to be an elevator speech, just an answer, “well, we just introduced flex time at our company and that’s been a huge burden, but I feel like we’ve seen the worst of it, and we’re going to get through it.” 
 
Now I have something to talk about with you, flex time.  Like, how did you set it up, how does that impact you?  Do you get three days off a week?  I mean, give me something, it doesn’t have to be mooshy, it doesn’t have to be about your divorce.  Just give me something.  
 
If you said to me “Debra, how have you been?” I might say “well, I became an empty-nester this year and it’s really been a whole new experience, and not a sad one, a good one and I’ve really enjoyed it.”  Now, did I brag about my kids, no.  Did I go on and on about how perfect and gorgeous and wonderful they are?  Absolutely not.  I just let you know something about myself that I’m willing to talk about.  If you’re not interested, you’ll go “oh, Debra, good for you, let’s talk about that contract…what do you think…?”  You don’t want to chit-chat, that’s fine.  Let’s get down to the business at hand.
 
Bud:  I think that’s really great career advice and that you’re absolutely right.  The point you’re making here is that if you go to an event and you’re somebody who is not naturally able to roll things off the tip of your tongue, be prepared, because somebody’s probably going to say to you, “what’s going on, what’s happening?”
 
Debra: Yes, and you get something else when you do this Bud.  You become a three-dimensional person.  If you sell insurance, then you’re a sales person who sells insurance.  But if I ask you “how was our weekend?” and you say “it was pretty good, we went to the theater and saw Dr. Doolittle and it wasn’t as bad as all the reviews said,” you just became more than an insurance salesman, you became a human being in my mind.  By saying that you went to a musical you became three dimensional.  You are not just a sales person, you are now a human being.  Human beings go to shows called Dr. Doolittle.  

Does that make sense?  “How was your weekend?”  “I worked in the garden, I played on my volleyball league, I finished a good book, I’m finishing my basement.”  That’s all you have to say.  You don’t go on and on about it.  Just give me a sentence.
 
Bud:  So what you’re saying is that a small bit of self-disclosure can be helpful and make it easy to engage you in conversation.  Let me try to summarize… (A) When you enter a networking situation, put yourself out, introduce yourself to somebody. (B) When somebody introduces themselves to you, be three-dimensional.  Do a little bit of self-disclosure.  Be willing to say something about yourself.
 
Debra:  Right.
 
Bud:  One last thing, what do you do when all of a sudden there’s dead silence in a conversation?
 
Debra:  Well, you better be prepared.  The worst time to think about something to talk about, Bud, is when there’s nothing to talk about.  So my rule for myself, and I wrote a book about it, is if I’m going to take you out to lunch and you’re a customer or client, I’ve got two to three things in the back of my head ready to go just in case we have nothing to talk about.  Maybe it’s current events.  Maybe it’s something I already know about you.  You have a wife, her name is Cathy, she used to be a flight attendant.  Do you understand?  Have some questions in the back of your head, to be able to keep conversations moving when there’s that huge awkward silence.  You’ve got to be prepared.  It’s not a big deal to be prepared.  It takes one whole minute.  It’s not like a Yoga class.  
 

That’s some great common sense career advice on becoming a great conversationalist from Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.
 
The common sense career success coach point here is clear.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Dynamic communicators are great conversationalists.  Great conversationalists know how to begin conversations and keep them going.  They follow the career advice in Tweet 104 in Success Tweets.  “Learn how to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder – your career.”  Questions are a great way to open conversations.   Use open ended, not yes or no, questions.  Follow up with a comment or a question that follows in the same vein.  When someone asks you a question, become three dimensional by being willing to disclose something about yourself as a person.  If you know who you are going to be seeing, think back to the last time you saw that person.  Think about what you discussed.  Keep these things in the back of your mind.  They can help you prevent awkward silences in your conversation.
 
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 104.  What do you think?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.
 
Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  The other day, I got a big order from Toastmasters International.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 104…

Learn to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder—your career.

I’ve been looking over the transcripts of my old internet radio show.  I had some pretty interesting guests who said some pretty interesting things.  Debra Fine, author of the best seller The Fine Art of Small Talk was one of my guests.  We discussed how to become a good conversationalist.  
 
Here is part of what Debra had to say… 

Bud: What are some icebreakers or conversation starters that shy people – or anyone—can use to get a conversation going?

Debra:  Don’t be afraid to dig deeper.  When you say to them “how’s work” they’re going to say “pretty good” or “good” or “great” or whatever.  Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, “So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked”, or if you say to somebody “how were your holidays” and they say “great”, “well, what did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?”  Let them know you are sincere, when you are sincere, when you have the time. 
 
We say to our friends, “how are you Bud?”, “great”, you got to follow up with something like “Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?”  Now Bud knows I really want to know how he is, otherwise “how are you” means “hello”.  That’s all it means.  My own husband will walk into the house and say “how was your day” and I’ll say “pretty good” because my guess is my husband doesn’t really want to know how my day is and this is my second husband, Bud, okay?  And he doesn’t want to know.  But if he digs in deeper, I’ll know that he was interested. 
 
Okay, so that’s just one tip.  We don’t want to become FBI agents, that’s why that one following question is important, but no more after that.  You don’t want to do one of these numbers, “Bud, what do you do?”  So, what’s your answer to that, Bud? 
 
Bud:  Well, I’m a career success coach, speaker, author, blogger and right now, an internet radio show host.
 
Debra:  And, Bud, it sounds like you have an accent from back east, so what part of the country are you from?
 
Bud:  Pittsburgh.

Debra: Look at what just happened.  I said “what do you do, Bud” and you said career success coach, etc. and I said it sounds like you have an accent, like you’re from back east or something and you responded to that.  I became an FBI agent.  That was the point of that little shtick.  If you’re going to start with “what do you do,” stay on topic.
 
Bud:  You make a great point here.  People get uncomfortable if you jump around in conversations because it gets them off balance, they don’t know what’s coming next.  So if you begin a conversation by asking somebody about their job or career, ask a follow up question about their job or career.  I think this is tremendous career advice — making sure that you follow up with a question that’s on target, not something that goes off in another direction.
 
Debra:  And I’m saying to you to make it an open-ended question.  “Tell me about it, describe that for me, how was that like for you, how did you come up with that idea?”  Everybody’s got to use an open-ended question if at all possible so you can open up the conversation.  Do we have a couple more minutes for another tip?
 
Bud:  Yes we do.
 
Debra:  Okay, let’s talk about the most common response to the question, “what’s been going on in your life?” Do you know what most of us say to “what’s been going on?” 

Bud:  Not much.
 
Debra:  Exactly.  That’s exactly right.  We say “not much” or “nothing.”  And I bet you would have said “not much” if I asked you that question because that’s what first came out of your mouth just now when I asked that, and yet you told me before we started this interview that you’re going to New York tomorrow.  
 
I think there’s a lot going on and “not much” is just a bunch of bologna, right?  And that’s how it is for all of us.  We’ve all said “not much” and what we really mean is “there’s so much going on, I can’t possibly think of what it is so I’ll just say not much.”  That’s what we mean.  There’s just too much going on to think of what to say.  
 
Now, if you’re just walking down the hall and don’t have time to stop and chat, a one-word answer like that is fine and dandy.  But, if you’d like to connect at an annual conference when someone says to you “what’s been going on?”  Please have an answer.  It doesn’t have to be an elevator speech, just an answer, “well, we just introduced flex time at our company and that’s been a huge burden, but I feel like we’ve seen the worst of it, and we’re going to get through it.” 
 
Now I have something to talk about with you, flex time.  Like, how did you set it up, how does that impact you?  Do you get three days off a week?  I mean, give me something, it doesn’t have to be mooshy, it doesn’t have to be about your divorce.  Just give me something.  
 
If you said to me “Debra, how have you been?” I might say “well, I became an empty-nester this year and it’s really been a whole new experience, and not a sad one, a good one and I’ve really enjoyed it.”  Now, did I brag about my kids, no.  Did I go on and on about how perfect and gorgeous and wonderful they are?  Absolutely not.  I just let you know something about myself that I’m willing to talk about.  If you’re not interested, you’ll go “oh, Debra, good for you, let’s talk about that contract…what do you think…?”  You don’t want to chit-chat, that’s fine.  Let’s get down to the business at hand.
 
Bud:  I think that’s really great career advice and that you’re absolutely right.  The point you’re making here is that if you go to an event and you’re somebody who is not naturally able to roll things off the tip of your tongue, be prepared, because somebody’s probably going to say to you, “what’s going on, what’s happening?”
 
Debra: Yes, and you get something else when you do this Bud.  You become a three-dimensional person.  If you sell insurance, then you’re a sales person who sells insurance.  But if I ask you “how was our weekend?” and you say “it was pretty good, we went to the theater and saw Dr. Doolittle and it wasn’t as bad as all the reviews said,” you just became more than an insurance salesman, you became a human being in my mind.  By saying that you went to a musical you became three dimensional.  You are not just a sales person, you are now a human being.  Human beings go to shows called Dr. Doolittle.  

Does that make sense?  “How was your weekend?”  “I worked in the garden, I played on my volleyball league, I finished a good book, I’m finishing my basement.”  That’s all you have to say.  You don’t go on and on about it.  Just give me a sentence.
 
Bud:  So what you’re saying is that a small bit of self-disclosure can be helpful and make it easy to engage you in conversation.  Let me try to summarize… (A) When you enter a networking situation, put yourself out, introduce yourself to somebody. (B) When somebody introduces themselves to you, be three-dimensional.  Do a little bit of self-disclosure.  Be willing to say something about yourself.
 
Debra:  Right.
 
Bud:  One last thing, what do you do when all of a sudden there’s dead silence in a conversation?
 
Debra:  Well, you better be prepared.  The worst time to think about something to talk about, Bud, is when there’s nothing to talk about.  So my rule for myself, and I wrote a book about it, is if I’m going to take you out to lunch and you’re a customer or client, I’ve got two to three things in the back of my head ready to go just in case we have nothing to talk about.  Maybe it’s current events.  Maybe it’s something I already know about you.  You have a wife, her name is Cathy, she used to be a flight attendant.  Do you understand?  Have some questions in the back of your head, to be able to keep conversations moving when there’s that huge awkward silence.  You’ve got to be prepared.  It’s not a big deal to be prepared.  It takes one whole minute.  It’s not like a Yoga class.  
 

That’s some great common sense career advice on becoming a great conversationalist from Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.
 
The common sense career success coach point here is clear.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Dynamic communicators are great conversationalists.  Great conversationalists know how to begin conversations and keep them going.  They follow the career advice in Tweet 104 in Success Tweets.  “Learn how to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder – your career.”  Questions are a great way to open conversations.   Use open ended, not yes or no, questions.  Follow up with a comment or a question that follows in the same vein.  When someone asks you a question, become three dimensional by being willing to disclose something about yourself as a person.  If you know who you are going to be seeing, think back to the last time you saw that person.  Think about what you discussed.  Keep these things in the back of your mind.  They can help you prevent awkward silences in your conversation.
 
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 104.  What do you think?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.
 
Bud