If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve you have to become a great conversationalist.  There are no two ways about it.

Effective communication, especially conversation, is an up close and personal endeavor.  All of the great communicators I know are great conversationalists.  As with most things, I have one great piece of common sense advice on how to become a great conversationalist.  Listen more than you speak. When I am in a conversation, I try to spend about one third of my time speaking and two thirds listening.  I have found that this ratio works well for me.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  The best way to get people speaking about themselves is to ask a lot of questions.  When you meet people for the first time, ask “get to know you” questions.  You know the kind of questions I’m talking about here.  “What do you do?”  “Where do you live?”  “Are you married?”  “Do you have children?”

Listen to the answers and file away this information for future use.  The other day I called on an old client.  Prior to going to see him, I spent time thinking about what I knew about him from our previous conversations.  Here’s what I remembered.  We know several people in common.  His son is a music major at Ithaca College.  His company was recently acquired.

I prepared myself for our meeting by coming up with four questions.  1) How is your son doing at Ithaca?  2) Have you spoken to Jo (our mutual acquaintance) lately?  3) I saw Tom (another mutual acquaintance) the other day, have you spoken to him recently?  4) How are things going with your new company?

By asking these questions, listening, and adding follow up comments and/or questions, I was able to keep things moving for an hour.  At the end of that time, I was in a good position to ask the two questions that were my main reason for the conversation.  “How are things going with your team?  How can I help you?”  This was a sales call, after all.

My friend Debra Fine, author of the bestseller The Fine Art of Small Talk calls this “going deeper.”  A couple of years ago, I interviewed her on my internet talk radio show.   Here is what she had to say.

“Don’t be afraid to dig deeper.  When you say to someone ‘How’s work?’ they’re going to say ‘pretty good’ or ‘good’ or ‘great’ or whatever.  Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, Say something like, ‘So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked?’ Or if you say to somebody ‘how were your holidays,’ and they say ‘great,’ you can follow up by saying, ‘What did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?’”  Let them know you are sincere.

“We say to our friends, ‘How are you Bud?’  If you give a one word answer like ‘great,’ I’ve got to follow up with something like ‘Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?’  Now you know that I really want to know how you are, otherwise ‘how are you’ will end up meaning ‘hello.’  That’s all it means.

“By the same token you don’t want to become what I can an ‘FBI agent.’ That’s why one follow up question is important, but no more after that.  “

Debra makes some great points about the power of questions in conversation.  The key here is to ask questions, listen to what people have to say and respond appropriately.  Then file away what you’ve learned.  I recommend writing it down so you won’t forget.  Review what you know about a person prior to visiting with him or her.  This will help you prepare for the conversation by choosing the questions you want to ask.

Listening is the way to take advantage of the questions you ask.  Dr. Joyce Brothers provides some great career advice when it comes to listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

There are some generally accepted ideas about what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on conversation and listening.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site last September.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  You can find out about the membership site by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb

You can create your career success by becoming a dynamic communicator.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator you need to become a great conversationalist, a clear concise writer and a dynamic presenter.  Today I want to discuss how to become a great conversationalist.

Listening is the key to becoming a great conversationalist.  Dr. Joyce Brothers makes an interesting point about listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

Here are my thoughts on what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on how to become a great conversationalist by listening well.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily thoughts on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site on September 1.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  To celebrate the grand opening, I’m giving away a new career advice book I’ve written called I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb.  You can find out about the membership site and get the career advice in I Want YOU… for free by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb.

You can create your career success by becoming a dynamic communicator.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator you need to become a great conversationalist, a clear concise writer and a dynamic presenter.  Today I want to discuss how to become a great conversationalist.

Listening is the key to becoming a great conversationalist.  Dr. Joyce Brothers makes an interesting point about listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

Here are my thoughts on what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on how to become a great conversationalist by listening well.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily thoughts on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site on September 1.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  To celebrate the grand opening, I’m giving away a new career advice book I’ve written called I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb.  You can find out about the membership site and get the career advice in I Want YOU… for free by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb.

Did you watch any of the Tour de France?  Cadel Evans of Australia won it all.  He was amazing to watch in the Alps on Thursday and Friday and in the time trial on Saturday.  I was glued to my TV set every night during the race.  I found it oddly compelling – don’t know what it is, but bicycle racing is very interesting to me.   We’re having a pro cycling race here in Colorado in August.  I’m looking forward to watching a few stages in person.

Today’s career advice comes from a story related to the Tour de France.  Lance Armstrong won several Tours while riding for the now defunct US Postal Service team.  I was in my local bike shop around the time he was winning all those tours.  They were offering a US Postal Service bike team cap for sale.  I bought one and was quite proud to wear it.

I was wearing it in a local supermarket where I went to pick up a few things.  The checkout woman looked at my hat and said, “Do you work for the post office?”  I said “no,” and explained about the USPS pro cycling team.  I got a blank stare in return.

There is some common sense career advice in this story.  Here it is…

Never assume that you know what other people are thinking.  You’ll be wrong a lot of the time.

Assumptions are a great communication killer.   Here’s another story to illustrate that point…

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He lives in New York and is a big basketball fan.  The license plate on one of his cars has a New York Knicks logo in the middle with the letters SLM DNK flanking it.  Most people quickly recognize this as “Slam Dunk.”

One day, Rob was taking a client to lunch.  As they approached his car, she asked him if he had met a lot of women as a result of his license plate.  He was somewhat puzzled and asked her what she thought the letters meant.  She said, “That’s easy – Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”  Rob was flabbergasted.  He was 100% sure that anyone who saw his vanity plate would realize that it meant Slam Dunk.   By the way, his other car has a vanity plate that says “FST BRK.”  I’ll give a free download of my latest career success book I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb to everyone who deciphers that license plate message correctly and leaves a comment.

Back to the story…

While it might seem strange that someone would interpret a message meant to be “Slam Dunk” as “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids” it makes more sense if you understand the context.  This particular woman is single and in her mid 30’s.  She had mentioned to Rob on more than one occasion that she would like to get married and start a family.  Her biological clock was ticking.  When you look at the license plate from her position, it makes some sense that “Slam Dunk” means “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

My US Postal Service bicycling team hat and Rob’s vanity plate stories illustrate the importance of not making assumptions when it comes to human communication.  Assumptions are communication killers and, more important, potential relationship killers.  Test your assumptions.  Make sure you are actually communicating, instead of just thinking you are.  This is true for all three of the major forms of business communication – conversation, writing and presenting.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve, you need to become a dynamic communicator – in conversation, writing and presenting.  Assumptions are communication killers.  Dynamic communicators test their assumptions to make sure that the message they are intending to send is actually being received by other people.  Put yourself in the place of the people with whom you are communicating.  Are they likely to understand the nuances of what you are saying?  If not, take the time to explain things as you go along.

That’s my career advice on becoming a dynamic communicator.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

Did you watch any of the Tour de France?  Cadel Evans of Australia won it all.  He was amazing to watch in the Alps on Thursday and Friday and in the time trial on Saturday.  I was glued to my TV set every night during the race.  I found it oddly compelling – don’t know what it is, but bicycle racing is very interesting to me.   We’re having a pro cycling race here in Colorado in August.  I’m looking forward to watching a few stages in person.

Today’s career advice comes from a story related to the Tour de France.  Lance Armstrong won several Tours while riding for the now defunct US Postal Service team.  I was in my local bike shop around the time he was winning all those tours.  They were offering a US Postal Service bike team cap for sale.  I bought one and was quite proud to wear it.

I was wearing it in a local supermarket where I went to pick up a few things.  The checkout woman looked at my hat and said, “Do you work for the post office?”  I said “no,” and explained about the USPS pro cycling team.  I got a blank stare in return.

There is some common sense career advice in this story.  Here it is…

Never assume that you know what other people are thinking.  You’ll be wrong a lot of the time.

Assumptions are a great communication killer.   Here’s another story to illustrate that point…

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He lives in New York and is a big basketball fan.  The license plate on one of his cars has a New York Knicks logo in the middle with the letters SLM DNK flanking it.  Most people quickly recognize this as “Slam Dunk.”

One day, Rob was taking a client to lunch.  As they approached his car, she asked him if he had met a lot of women as a result of his license plate.  He was somewhat puzzled and asked her what she thought the letters meant.  She said, “That’s easy – Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”  Rob was flabbergasted.  He was 100% sure that anyone who saw his vanity plate would realize that it meant Slam Dunk.   By the way, his other car has a vanity plate that says “FST BRK.”  I’ll give a free download of my latest career success book I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb to everyone who deciphers that license plate message correctly and leaves a comment.

Back to the story…

While it might seem strange that someone would interpret a message meant to be “Slam Dunk” as “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids” it makes more sense if you understand the context.  This particular woman is single and in her mid 30’s.  She had mentioned to Rob on more than one occasion that she would like to get married and start a family.  Her biological clock was ticking.  When you look at the license plate from her position, it makes some sense that “Slam Dunk” means “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

My US Postal Service bicycling team hat and Rob’s vanity plate stories illustrate the importance of not making assumptions when it comes to human communication.  Assumptions are communication killers and, more important, potential relationship killers.  Test your assumptions.  Make sure you are actually communicating, instead of just thinking you are.  This is true for all three of the major forms of business communication – conversation, writing and presenting.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve, you need to become a dynamic communicator – in conversation, writing and presenting.  Assumptions are communication killers.  Dynamic communicators test their assumptions to make sure that the message they are intending to send is actually being received by other people.  Put yourself in the place of the people with whom you are communicating.  Are they likely to understand the nuances of what you are saying?  If not, take the time to explain things as you go along.

That’s my career advice on becoming a dynamic communicator.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

Today is President’s Day in the USA.  If you are lucky enough to have a day off, enjoy it. 

They played the NBA All Star game yesterday.  That reminded me of one of my favorite career success stories.  Read on to check it out…

Communication is a key life and career success skill.  The ability to engage in meaningful conversation is a key communication success skill.  Tweet 104 in my latest career advice book Success Tweets says “Learn how to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder – your career success.”

As I always tell my career success coach clients, assumptions can kill a conversation.  As I write this, I’m reminded of one of my favorite George Bernard Shaw plays, You Never Can Tell.

Mr. Bohun is a character in the play.  He is a know-it-all.  He repeats the line, “You think you do, but you don’t” several times in the play.

What does this have to do with assumptions?  Everything, in my book.  As we engage people in conversation, we often think we know everything about them – their backgrounds, motivations, likes and dislikes.  Unfortunately, we think we do, but usually we don’t.

Now to the basketball part of the story.  Ioften tell this story when I am speaking to my career success coach clients… 

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He is a partner in a very successful internet marketing services business.  Rob lives in New York City and is a huge New York Knicks fan.  If you’re not a basketball fan, the Knicks are the professional basketball team in New York.

Rob is such a fan that he has Knicks’ vanity license plates on both of his cars.  These plates have the Knicks logo in the middle.  One has the letters FST BRK (fast break – a basketball term) on either side of the logo.  The other has the letters SLM DNK (slam dunk – another basketball term) on either side of the logo.

One day, Rob was with a woman client.  They were going to lunch, and were taking his car with the SLM DNK plates.  As they approached the car, she said, “Have you met many women with your license plate?”

Rob thought this was kind of strange, and said, “No, why do you ask?”

She replied, “Because of what it says.”

Rob said, “What do you think it says?”

She said, “Simple, Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

Pretty bizarre, right?  Wrong. 

Both Rob and his client thought they knew what the license plate says, but they didn’t.  Rob is a basketball fan.  He assumed that anyone seeing a license plate with the Knicks logo in the middle and the letters SLM DNK would automatically know that it meant “slam dunk.”

His client was a 30 something, single woman.  She had mentioned to him on another occasion that she feels her biological clock ticking.  She would like to get married and start a family.  If you look at it from her point of view, you can see where “slam dunk” would mean “single ladies man, divorced no kids.”

Back to George Bernard Shaw and Mr. Bohun  — they both thought they knew, but they didn’t.

And that’s the common sense career success coach point for today.  As the career advice in Tweet 104 in Success Tweets points out, a brief conversation with the right person can greatly help or hinder your career success.  Good conversationalists don’t make assumptions.  Assumptions can really derail a conversation.  Never make assumptions about the other person or his or her thoughts and motivations when you are in a conversation.  When you find you are making assumptions, test them out.  Ask, “Why do you thing that is so?”  Remember, in many cases you really don’t know what the other person is thinking or feeling.  To quote Bernard Shaw, “You think you do; but you don’t.”

That’s my best career advice about how assumptions can be conversation killers.  What’s yours?  Do you have any funny stories about how assumptions have hampered some of your conversations?  If so, please take a minute to share them with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my musings on life and career success.

Bud

Today is President’s Day in the USA.  If you are lucky enough to have a day off, enjoy it. 

They played the NBA All Star game yesterday.  That reminded me of one of my favorite career success stories.  Read on to check it out…

Communication is a key life and career success skill.  The ability to engage in meaningful conversation is a key communication success skill.  Tweet 104 in my latest career advice book Success Tweets says “Learn how to handle yourself in conversation.  A brief conversation with the right person can greatly help – or hinder – your career success.”

As I always tell my career success coach clients, assumptions can kill a conversation.  As I write this, I’m reminded of one of my favorite George Bernard Shaw plays, You Never Can Tell.

Mr. Bohun is a character in the play.  He is a know-it-all.  He repeats the line, “You think you do, but you don’t” several times in the play.

What does this have to do with assumptions?  Everything, in my book.  As we engage people in conversation, we often think we know everything about them – their backgrounds, motivations, likes and dislikes.  Unfortunately, we think we do, but usually we don’t.

Now to the basketball part of the story.  Ioften tell this story when I am speaking to my career success coach clients… 

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He is a partner in a very successful internet marketing services business.  Rob lives in New York City and is a huge New York Knicks fan.  If you’re not a basketball fan, the Knicks are the professional basketball team in New York.

Rob is such a fan that he has Knicks’ vanity license plates on both of his cars.  These plates have the Knicks logo in the middle.  One has the letters FST BRK (fast break – a basketball term) on either side of the logo.  The other has the letters SLM DNK (slam dunk – another basketball term) on either side of the logo.

One day, Rob was with a woman client.  They were going to lunch, and were taking his car with the SLM DNK plates.  As they approached the car, she said, “Have you met many women with your license plate?”

Rob thought this was kind of strange, and said, “No, why do you ask?”

She replied, “Because of what it says.”

Rob said, “What do you think it says?”

She said, “Simple, Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

Pretty bizarre, right?  Wrong. 

Both Rob and his client thought they knew what the license plate says, but they didn’t.  Rob is a basketball fan.  He assumed that anyone seeing a license plate with the Knicks logo in the middle and the letters SLM DNK would automatically know that it meant “slam dunk.”

His client was a 30 something, single woman.  She had mentioned to him on another occasion that she feels her biological clock ticking.  She would like to get married and start a family.  If you look at it from her point of view, you can see where “slam dunk” would mean “single ladies man, divorced no kids.”

Back to George Bernard Shaw and Mr. Bohun  — they both thought they knew, but they didn’t.

And that’s the common sense career success coach point for today.  As the career advice in Tweet 104 in Success Tweets points out, a brief conversation with the right person can greatly help or hinder your career success.  Good conversationalists don’t make assumptions.  Assumptions can really derail a conversation.  Never make assumptions about the other person or his or her thoughts and motivations when you are in a conversation.  When you find you are making assumptions, test them out.  Ask, “Why do you thing that is so?”  Remember, in many cases you really don’t know what the other person is thinking or feeling.  To quote Bernard Shaw, “You think you do; but you don’t.”

That’s my best career advice about how assumptions can be conversation killers.  What’s yours?  Do you have any funny stories about how assumptions have hampered some of your conversations?  If so, please take a minute to share them with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my musings on life and career success.

Bud

Dynamic communication is one of the keys to career success that I discuss in my latest career advice book Success Tweets.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic communication skills: conversation, writing and presenting.

Stephen King is one of my favorite authors.  I once saw a quote from him that is some of the best career advice on communication you’ll ever come across.  “Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.”

Stephen’s words apply to each of the three basic communication skills.  Whether you’re in a conversation, writing an e mail or report, or making a presentation you will communicate better if you use simple, every day, commonly understood words.  I always suggest that my career success coach clients use the smallest possible word that communicates the exact point they want to make.

I take pride on my vocabulary and sometimes like to show it off.  For example, at my niece’s college graduation party I gave her a copy of one of my career success books, Straight Talk for Success.  I told her that I hoped it would help her as she began her career.  I also said that I tried for an “avuncular hip” tone as I was writing the book. 

My niece is a smart young woman.  She graduated cum laude and is doing a great job creating her life and career success.  But when I said the words, “avuncular hip,” she looked at me and said, “What does that mean?”  I responded, “Avuncular means uncle like.  I was trying to come across as a hip uncle in the book.”  She said, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

Good question.  The best answer is that I was just showing off.  Everybody knows what “uncle like” means.  Not everybody knows that “avuncular” means “uncle like.”  This is what Stephen King means when he suggests not using words that others will need a dictionary or thesaurus to understand.  Showing off your vocabulary is not a great way to become a dynamic communicator and career success.

As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of an IBM commercial that ran a couple of years ago… 

A guy walks into a large, dimly lighted conference room where he sees no tables and chairs and about twenty people lying on the floor.  He says, “What are you guys doing?”  Someone answers, “We’re ideating.”  He says, “What’s that?”  Someone responds, “Coming up with new ways of doing things.”  He says, “Why don’t you just call it that?”

Interestingly enough, the word ideating sounds a lot like a made up word to me.  I expected spell check to flag it.  It didn’t.  So I guess I am behind the times on some of my business jargon.  Even so, I think saying that you’re “Coming up with new ways of doing things,” is much more clear than saying that you’re “Ideating.”  But what do I know?

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  They are good conversationalists, clear writers and effective presenters.  If you want to master the basic skills associated with conversation, writing and presenting begin by choosing your words carefully.  Avoid those polysyllabic — I mean big – words that show off your vocabulary but get in the way of effective communication.  Successful people communicate in everyday, straightforward language.

That’s my career advice on precision in language and effective communication.  What do you think?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Dynamic communication is one of the keys to career success that I discuss in my latest career advice book Success Tweets.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic communication skills: conversation, writing and presenting.

Stephen King is one of my favorite authors.  I once saw a quote from him that is some of the best career advice on communication you’ll ever come across.  “Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.”

Stephen’s words apply to each of the three basic communication skills.  Whether you’re in a conversation, writing an e mail or report, or making a presentation you will communicate better if you use simple, every day, commonly understood words.  I always suggest that my career success coach clients use the smallest possible word that communicates the exact point they want to make.

I take pride on my vocabulary and sometimes like to show it off.  For example, at my niece’s college graduation party I gave her a copy of one of my career success books, Straight Talk for Success.  I told her that I hoped it would help her as she began her career.  I also said that I tried for an “avuncular hip” tone as I was writing the book. 

My niece is a smart young woman.  She graduated cum laude and is doing a great job creating her life and career success.  But when I said the words, “avuncular hip,” she looked at me and said, “What does that mean?”  I responded, “Avuncular means uncle like.  I was trying to come across as a hip uncle in the book.”  She said, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

Good question.  The best answer is that I was just showing off.  Everybody knows what “uncle like” means.  Not everybody knows that “avuncular” means “uncle like.”  This is what Stephen King means when he suggests not using words that others will need a dictionary or thesaurus to understand.  Showing off your vocabulary is not a great way to become a dynamic communicator and career success.

As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of an IBM commercial that ran a couple of years ago… 

A guy walks into a large, dimly lighted conference room where he sees no tables and chairs and about twenty people lying on the floor.  He says, “What are you guys doing?”  Someone answers, “We’re ideating.”  He says, “What’s that?”  Someone responds, “Coming up with new ways of doing things.”  He says, “Why don’t you just call it that?”

Interestingly enough, the word ideating sounds a lot like a made up word to me.  I expected spell check to flag it.  It didn’t.  So I guess I am behind the times on some of my business jargon.  Even so, I think saying that you’re “Coming up with new ways of doing things,” is much more clear than saying that you’re “Ideating.”  But what do I know?

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  They are good conversationalists, clear writers and effective presenters.  If you want to master the basic skills associated with conversation, writing and presenting begin by choosing your words carefully.  Avoid those polysyllabic — I mean big – words that show off your vocabulary but get in the way of effective communication.  Successful people communicate in everyday, straightforward language.

That’s my career advice on precision in language and effective communication.  What do you think?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  That really pleases me.  It has become a greater success than I thought it would be.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 31 more to go.  Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 110…

Remember and use people’s names.  Look for common ground with the people you meet.  Find out about them, their hobbies and passions.

If you want to create the career success you want and deserve, get good at networking.  Learn how to engage others quickly and leave a positive, lasting impression.   Dressing well and paying attention to your appearance is a great start.  However, great networkers know that looking good is only one piece of the puzzle. 

The second piece is simple.  Remember people’s names.  Check out what Dale Carnegie has to say about remembering names…

“If you remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance.”

That is great career advice. 

Shakespeare also chimes in on the importance of remembering other people’s names…

“What a disgrace it is to me to not remember thy name.”

That’s true too.  We disgrace ourselves when we don’t remember other people’s names.  It shows that we value them very little.  I work hard at remembering people’s names and using them. 

If you read my blog, you probably know that I went to Penn State.  Joe Paterno was the football coach when I arrived there in 1968.  He’s still the coach today.  Joe is quite a guy, and he is good with names.

Several years ago, I was in New York.  It was the day after the ESPYS had been held at Radio City Music Hall.  I was walking along Sixth Avenue when I came face to face with Joe Paterno.  He had won an ESPY the night before.

I looked him in the eye, and said “Joe.”  He stopped.  I introduced myself – “Bud Bilanich, class of ’72.”  He said.  “How are you doing, Bud?”  Our conversation lasted about 10 minutes.  Joe probably used my name at least 10 times in that conversation.  He said things like, “You know Bud…”, and “When was the last time you were in State College Bud?, and “What are you doing in New York Bud?”

I know that he was repeating my name so that he could remember it.  And at the same time, I felt good about the fact that a famous football coach not only took the time to chat with me on a cold windy street in New York, he went out of his way to remember and use my name.

Remembering people’s names is an important networking tool.  People who are a career success are good at networking.  They know how to engage others quickly and leave a positive, lasting impression.  

Here are my four best ideas on becoming a great networker…

Stay focused on the person with whom you are in a conversation.  Many people let their eyes wander – especially at networking events.  When you do this, you are sending a message to the person with whom you are speaking that he or she is less important than someone else you might spot in the crowd.  It’s not only polite, it’s good business sense to focus on the person in front of you.  Exchange business cards before you move on to speak with someone else.

Listen and respond appropriately to people you meet.  Maintain eye contact.  Ask questions if you don’t understand what they say.  Paraphrase what they say to make sure you understand.  Above all, respond appropriately – don’t take the conversation in a new direction until the topic under discussion has been exhausted.

Build relationships with people you meet by being helpful.  Take the initiative.  Give them leads that may help them.  Last week, Helen Whelan CEO of SuccessTelevision.com sent me an email letting me know about a public relations opportunity.  I thanked Helen and followed up on the opportunity.  I also sent it to two people I know who may be better suited than me.  Why?  Because I wanted to strengthen my relationships with them – and what better way to build strong relationships that by giving something of value to other people.

Learn from as many people as you can.  Everybody has something to offer.  With some people you have dig a little more deeply than with others.  Regardless, treat every conversation as a learning opportunity.  The more you listen, the more you’ll learn. 

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people create positive personal impact.  Networking is a great way to create a powerful lasting impression.  When you are networking follow the career advice in Tweet 110 in Success Tweets.  “Remember and use people’s names.  Look for common ground with the people you meet.  Find out about them, their hobbies and passions.”  Besides remembering people’s names, you will create positive personal impact in networking situations if you: 1) stay focused on the person with whom you are engaged in conversation; 2) listen and respond appropriately; 3) build relationships by being helpful; and 4) learn from as many people as you can.

That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 110 and the power of using people’s names to create positive personal impact and build relationships.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud