I had a conversation with a prospective new client the other day.  It went particularly well.  It appears as if I will get some significant new consulting business as a result.  As I thought about the conversation that evening, I realized that I followed my own career success advice as presented in Tweets 106 and 107 in my career advice book, Success Tweets.

Tweet 106 says, “Demonstrate your understanding of others’ points of view.  Listen well and ask question if you don’t understand.”  Tweet 107 says, “Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking.  Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.”

The conversation I mentioned above was a sales call.  You’d think that I’d want to do most of the talking in a sales call.  After all, the purpose of the conversation was to make a sale.  I needed to explain all of the ways I could help this guy and his company.

But that’s not the way things work.  By listening to what he had to say, I got a very good understanding of his problems and concerns.  As he spoke about them, he began to convince himself that he needed my services.  I had to say very little. 

Basically, I listened to what he said.  I made sure that he knew I understood his problems and concerns; I asked questions and I summarized as he spoke.  When the time was right, I shared a couple of stories about my experiences, but in the context of what he was saying.  By doing these three simple things, it became apparent to him that I had the sort of experience that he needs. 

By the time we were finished with the conversation, he was comfortable with me – as a person and as a professional who understands him and his needs.  We set a follow up date to move forward with a consulting project.  In that conversation, I’ll lay out my plan for moving forward and the costs associated with it.  I wish all sales calls were this easy.

This sales call went great because I followed six important conversation steps.

1. Acknowledge the other person as an equal.  You cannot have a good conversation if you don’t recognize one another as equals.  Regardless of your hierarchical relation to the other person – if he or she is your boss, peer or subordinate – remember that we are all human beings.  As such, we are entitled to respect and dignity.  Talk with people, not to them and you’ll be surprised at the quality of your discussions.

2. Stay curious about the other person.  People are fascinating.  I have had some of the most interesting conversations with limo and cab drivers.  Often they are immigrants.  It’s interesting to hear their take on life in the USA.  Be curious about the people you know, too.  People are always growing and changing.  When you express your curiosity you’ll be bound to find out new and interesting things about old friends and acquaintances.

3. Recognize that we need each other’s help to become better listeners.  Help others listen.  Think before you speak.  Speak clearly.  Ask them questions; answer the questions they ask you.  Ccommunication in general and conversation in particular is a process fraught with potential misconnects.  So listen hard to others and make it easy for them to listen to you.

4. Slow down to have the time to think and reflect.  When you slow down, you do indeed have time to think.  Don’t be afraid to pause and reflect on a question.  This shows the other person that you are carefully considering your response – not just saying the first thing that comes to mind.  Other people will appreciate you for your thoughtfulness, not knock you for not being quick or clever enough.

5. Remember that conversation is the natural way for humans to think together.  I love this idea.  The idea of “thinking together” is great career advice.  The world would be a better place if we all “thought together” instead of thinking separately and trying to convince others that our thoughts are better than theirs.  Since this is the season, I would love to see political debates where the candidates worked together to develop an approach to handling a problem or issue – instead of watching them advance their ideas while taking swipes at the other person’s ideas.

6. Expect it to be messy at times.  Conversation is messy.  That’s OK.  In fact, I think it’s great.  Some of the best ideas come out of messy conversations.  The willingness to get into the mess and slop around is what frees your creativity.

I really like the last point – expect it to be messy.  My sales conversation the other day was very messy.  While we stayed on track overall, we also discussed David Beckham, Manchester United Football Club, The King’s Speech, Upstairs Downstairs, bachelor parties and the history of the labor movement in the USA.  Did I mention that this guy is a Brit?  He was impressed with my knowledge of his country and his favorite sport – football, or soccer, as we American’s call the game.  All of this made him more comfortable with me as another human being – not just some consultant come calling to sell him something.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are great conversationalists.  They follow the career advice in Tweets 106 and 107 in Success Tweets.  “Demonstrate your understanding of others’ points of view.  Listen well and ask questions if you don’t understand.”  “Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking.  Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.”  Listening takes a bit of work, but it is worth it in the long run.  It will help you become a dynamic communicator and build solid relationships that will fuel your life and career success.  Remember my six keys for conversation success.  They are great career advice.  1) Acknowledge one another as equals; 2) Stay curious about one another; 3) Recognize that we need each other’s help to become better listeners; 4) Slow down to have the time to think and reflect; 5) Remember that conversation is the natural way for humans to think together; 6) Expect it to be messy at times.

That’s my career advice on conversation and career success.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading my musings on life and career success.  I appreciate you and I value you.

Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  That really pleases me.  It has become a greater success than I thought it would be.  I’m glad that people are finding its career advice to be helpful.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 33 more to go.  Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 108…

Live people take precedence over phone calls.  Continue in person face to face conversations, rather than answering your cell phone.

I am really sorry that Women’s Edge Magazine is no longer with us.  I used to find a lot of great career advice and wisdom in its pages.  The January 2008 issue of Women’s Edge had two great quotes that relate to the career advice in Success Tweet 108.

“Communicate respect in every encounter with every person, regardless of position or background.”  Robyn Hall, Raleigh Police Department

“Listen and speak at the same time, meaning that you actively engage people with your full attention.”  Judy Fourie, J. Fourie & Company

These are two pieces of great common sense career success advice.  They will help you become known as an interpersonally competent person.

Focusing on live people – rather than your electronic gadgets – is the best way to demonstrate your respect for others.  Respect is the key to building strong relationships with the people in your life – not just those who can do something for you, but everyone you meet. 

Cathy, my wife, is a good example of this.  She makes friends with everyone, because she treats everyone with respect.  The dry cleaner, pharmacy clerks, mailman, paper delivery guy, our housekeeper, all love her because she treats them with the respect they deserve as fellow human beings.  She is genuinely interested in them as people.  This interest communicates her respect for them. 

Many people show a lot of respect for people above them in the hierarchy, and little respect for those below them.  This is too bad.  Often people below you can do as much or more for you than those above you.  But that’s not the point.  The point is that they’re people too, and as such, are entitled to your respect. 

The Optimist Creed has some great things to say about respect.  It encourages us to, “Promise yourself to make all your friends feel as if there is something in them…and to give every living creature you meet a smile.”   If you want a copy of The Optimist Creed to hang in your office, go to http://BudBilanich.com/optimist.

The second quote is interesting for what it has to say about human interaction.  I like the idea of “listening and speaking at the same time.”  In other words, as you engage someone, listen very carefully to what he or she has to say so you can respond appropriately.  What you say should be directly related to what he or she has just said.  This demonstrates that you are listening.  It also demonstrates that you value what he or she says – a great way to show someone that you respect him or her.

Being fully engaged means that you shut out the distractions of the world and focus your attention on the person with whom you’re having a conversation.  People tell me that I seem to never answer my cell phone.  This is true.  I tell everybody that my cell phone is not a good way to contact me because it is usually off.  My cell phone is usually off because I am often in conversations with my clients.  I don’t want the distraction of a ringing or vibrating cell phone when I’m trying to concentrate on another person and what he or she is saying.

The two quotes at the beginning of this post are complimentary.  One of the best ways to show others that you respect them is to engage them.  One of the best ways to engage people is to listen to what they say and respond appropriately.  If you keep these two pieces of common sense in mind as you meet people, you’ll be on your way to becoming known as an interpersonally competent person, and creating the life and career success you want and deserve.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Demonstrate your respect for other people by paying attention to them and what they have to say.  Follow the career advice in Tweet 108 in Success Tweets.  “Live people take precedence over phone calls.  Continue in person face to face conversations, rather than answering your cell phone.”  Focusing on live people – rather than your electronic gadgets – is the best way to demonstrate your respect for others.  Respect for others is great career advice.  It is the key to building strong relationships with the people in your life – not just those who can do something for you, but everyone you meet.

That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 108.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute so share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud