I often tell my career success coach clients that business meals are not about the food.  They are about the conversation.  Tweet 75 in my latest career advice book Success Tweets says, “Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.”

The other day, I saw a great article by Kirk Baumann on the Corn on the Job blog.  It was about how to handle job interviews over lunch.  Check it out…

For recruiters or hiring managers, the lunch interview gives them additional perspective and insight into the “real you”.  People can memorize GREAT answers to the toughest interview questions; having a phenomenal resume, even appearing to have excellent communication skills can only get you so far.  The lunch interview (or dinner – whatever) puts you to the test.

It’s designed for two reasons:

1. To allow the recruiter or hiring manager to get to know you on a more personal level.

2. To see how you react to situations out of your comfort zone or element.  You’re not in the office conference room with the interviewer or a panel.  You’re in a much different setting with all kinds of variables to throw you off your game.

A few tips to help you make the most of your lunch:

• Bring a notepad and something to write with – just because it’s lunch doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking notes
• Be polite to the host, wait staff, ANYONE you interact with at the restaurant – people are watching and listening.  I’ve even known hiring managers to arrive late and ask the staff about their interaction just to test the candidate.  NOTE: Wait for the interviewer to arrive before being seated.
• Know before you go – check the restaurant’s menu ahead of time.  Most are online these days.  If you have dietary restrictions or are watching calories, you’ll have plenty of time to pour over the menu.  Select 2-3 (just in case the restaurant doesn’t have your first choice) dishes that look good and keep them in mind when ordering.  Be prepared and know what you want – you’ll  make a good impression.
• Order something simple – the point is to land the job.  You can order the rack of ribs during your celebration dinner afterwards.  Stick to things that can be eaten easily with a knife and fork.  I’d also recommend water or other non-alcoholic beverages.  If the host orders wine, politely decline. 

Kirk is right on with this post.  A recruiter friend once told me the story of a young man who lost a sales position with a very prestigious company because he did not know the proper way to eat a foil wrapped baked potato. 

The proper way, by the way, is to cut into the potato with the foil on, open the potato, add condiments (butter, sour cream etc.) and eat the potato while it is still in the foil, leaving the foil and potato skin on your plate when you are finished.  The young man  removed the potato from the foil, balled up the foil and placed it on the table.

I think that the sales manager who decided not to hire this oung man was a bit impulsive.  If he was an otherwise outstanding candidate, I’m sure that once he was told how to properly eat a foil wrapped baked potato, he would not have repeated the mistake.  Unfortunately, he lost the job because of this gaffe.

There is some great career advice here through.  If you know basic table manners, you won’t have to worry about faux pas like this.  And, you’ll be comfortable at the lunch or dinner table because you’ll be able to focus on the conversation, not on worrying about the rules of dining etiquette.

Business meals provide you with a great opportunity to make a positive personal impact. They also can be disasters waiting to happen.  If you know and follow the simple rules of dining etiquette you’ll be fine. 

Here’s an embarrassing business dining story from my youth that goes to Kirk’s point about ordering something simple…

About 30 years ago, I had just accepted a job as the Training Manager for a division of a large company. Our division was located in New Haven, CT, a city with a large Italian population and a lot of great Italian restaurants.

About a month after I began my job, the VP of Human Resources for the corporation was hosting a two-day meeting of all of the senior HR people in the company at our location. Since the meeting was at our location, junior people like me were invited to a dinner held the evening of the first day of the meeting. I was looking forward to this dinner.  It was an opportunity for me to impress some senior people in other divisions.

One of my junior colleagues was a local woman. She was excited about the choice of the restaurant. Of course it was an Italian restaurant. She had been there on special occasions with her husband. She was very fond of a dish called zuppa de pesce, a medley of seafood served over spaghetti. A couple of days before the meeting she told me about that this dish and that it was available for two only and asked if I would be willing to share it with her. I said, “Sure.”

We arrived at the restaurant, and sure enough, zuppa de pesce was on the menu. My friend and I ordered it. What a disaster!

First the waiters brought lobster bibs for both of us. No one else had ordered this dish, so we were the only ones wearing our bibs. When the food arrived, everyone had a dish of pasta, or some grilled fish, or a steak. The zuppa de pesce was served on a silver tray so big that the waiters had to bring a side table for it. There was enough fish and pasta to feed the entire table. My friend dug in and really enjoyed her dinner. I felt like I was a character in The Godfather.

I spent my time trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with people I wanted to impress while I was wearing a lobster bib and working hard to make sure that I didn’t spill any red sauce, or “gravy,” as the waiter called it, on my suit. 

I didn’t lose any points that night – but I didn’t make any either.  It was pretty apparent to most people that I was there for the food, not for the conversation.

I learned a lesson that day. Always order something that is easy to eat and don’t call attention to you as you eat it. I try to be a good friend, and in social situations, I will often share an entrée that is available for two only – but I never do that in a business situation.  Because business dinners are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Business meals are not about the food.  They’re about the conversation.  That means you need to follow the career advice in Tweet 75 in Success Tweets.  “Learn and use simple table manners.  Good manners make you look polished and poised.”  You want to look polished and poised during business meals.  If you know the rules, you’ll be able to spend time focusing on the conversation – not worrying about which fork to use.  As Kirk Baumann points out in his guest post on the Corn on the Job blog, this career advice is even more important when you are being interviewed over lunch or dinner.

That’s my take on the Kirk Baumann’s career advice on lunch interviews in his guest post on Corn on the Job.  What’s yours?  Do you have any funny stories about business meals?  If so, please take a minute and share them with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading these musings on life and career success.

Bud

Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is my new career success coach book.  I’m proud to say that it has just gone into its second printing.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or on line at amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download the eBook version for free at www.SuccessTweets.com.

Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 73…

Be gracious.  Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.  Everybody likes to be around polite and mannerly people.

A couple of years ago, I published a book called Straight Talk for Success.  A few months after it came out, I received an e mail from a young guy named Jim whose boss had given him a copy of Straight Talk.  In part, here’s what it said…

Bud:

I read your book Straight Talk for Success, excellent.  You are indeed the common sense guy!  I have learned a ton from reading that book from how to brand myself, to dinner etiquette (glass on the right, bread dish on the left, outside in with utensils).  Truly found your book easy to read and loved it…

I am 27 and feel like a sponge for all this information. 

Just wanted to thank you for your words of wisdom and for writing about some of the unwritten rules in business.

That was great.  I always like to receive positive feedback on what I write.  However, I was gratified that by sending me an email, Jim was putting to work some of my career advice on creating positive personal impact.  He showed me that he is a guy who understands the basics of etiquette.

Have you ever sent an e mail to an author thanking him for what he’s written?  Did you get a response?  Please leave a comment sharing your experience – positive or negative — with us. 

Here’s a personal story about this.  A while back, I was in the New York City area.  When I’m there, I listen to Q 104.3 the classic rock station.  Maria Milito was on as I was driving to the airport.  She played a great set.  When I got the airport, I logged on to the Q104.3 site and sent her an e mail telling her I enjoyed her show.  I got a response from her in less than a half hour.  Everybody likes positive feedback – trust me on this career advice.

Back to Jim’s e mail to me — sending a thank you note to someone who has done something for you is common sense and proper etiquette.  Sending a note to a stranger whose book you read and enjoyed is even better.  By doing so, Jim branded himself (in my mind at least) as an interpersonally competent guy, and someone who is business savvy.

In reality, there is no difference between business etiquette and social etiquette.  Well mannered people are gracious; they always focus on making other people feel comfortable and appreciated – whether in a business or social setting.

As Jim points out when he mentioned business dining etiquette, there are some rules to follow.  But knowing the rules only makes it easier to concentrate on the conversation instead of worrying about making a social gaffe.  Most people will overlook minor faux pas if you are truly gracious.  But it still is a good idea to brush up on dining etiquette before important business lunches or dinners and interviews.

Sharon Hill is a friend and etiquette consultant.  She once told me a story of a young man who lost a sales job because he didn’t know how to properly eat a foil wrapped baked potato.  Do you know how to eat a foil wrapped baked potato properly?  I’ll send signed copies of Straight Talk for Success and Success Tweets to the first person who responds to this question.

Personally, I think that this is a sad story – for the young man,  and for his potential boss.  Not knowing a minor point of dining etiquette shouldn’t disqualify an otherwise qualified candidate from a job offer.  If that’s the candidate’s only flaw, he can learn that lesson once and be on his way to a successful career.  However, in this case the hiring manager saw it as a deal breaker – and he had the ultimate say so.

When it comes to etiquette there is an old saying…

Those who know, know.  Those who don’t know, don’t know.  Those who know always know those who don’t know.

Think about it.  Take the advice of this career success coach.  Learn and follow the basic rules of etiquette – especially dining etiquette.  You’ll look polished.  You’ll present well.  More important, you won’t have to worry about the rules when you’re in a social situation.  You’ll be able to concentrate on the conversation – which is the important reason for any business meal.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people create positive personal impact.  You can create positive personal impact by becoming known as a gracious person.  Follow the career advice in Tweet 73 in Success Tweets.  “Be gracious.  Know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.  Everybody likes to be around polite and mannerly people.”  Small things — like saying “please” and “thank you,” smiling at others, taking a second to hold a door for someone who has an arm full of packages, allowing someone to cut in front of you in traffic — are the marks of gracious people.  If you build your personal brand on gracious and ethical behavior, you will be well on your way to the life and career success you deserve to be.

That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 73 in Success Tweets and on creating positive personal impact by knowing and following the basic rules of etiquette.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your ideas with all of us.  As always, thanks for reading – and writing.

Bud