If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve you have to become a great conversationalist.  There are no two ways about it.

Effective communication, especially conversation, is an up close and personal endeavor.  All of the great communicators I know are great conversationalists.  As with most things, I have one great piece of common sense advice on how to become a great conversationalist.  Listen more than you speak. When I am in a conversation, I try to spend about one third of my time speaking and two thirds listening.  I have found that this ratio works well for me.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  The best way to get people speaking about themselves is to ask a lot of questions.  When you meet people for the first time, ask “get to know you” questions.  You know the kind of questions I’m talking about here.  “What do you do?”  “Where do you live?”  “Are you married?”  “Do you have children?”

Listen to the answers and file away this information for future use.  The other day I called on an old client.  Prior to going to see him, I spent time thinking about what I knew about him from our previous conversations.  Here’s what I remembered.  We know several people in common.  His son is a music major at Ithaca College.  His company was recently acquired.

I prepared myself for our meeting by coming up with four questions.  1) How is your son doing at Ithaca?  2) Have you spoken to Jo (our mutual acquaintance) lately?  3) I saw Tom (another mutual acquaintance) the other day, have you spoken to him recently?  4) How are things going with your new company?

By asking these questions, listening, and adding follow up comments and/or questions, I was able to keep things moving for an hour.  At the end of that time, I was in a good position to ask the two questions that were my main reason for the conversation.  “How are things going with your team?  How can I help you?”  This was a sales call, after all.

My friend Debra Fine, author of the bestseller The Fine Art of Small Talk calls this “going deeper.”  A couple of years ago, I interviewed her on my internet talk radio show.   Here is what she had to say.

“Don’t be afraid to dig deeper.  When you say to someone ‘How’s work?’ they’re going to say ‘pretty good’ or ‘good’ or ‘great’ or whatever.  Dig in deeper, let them know you’re sincere with one more question, Say something like, ‘So, what’s been going on with work, Bud, since the last time we talked?’ Or if you say to somebody ‘how were your holidays,’ and they say ‘great,’ you can follow up by saying, ‘What did you do over the holidays that you enjoyed the most?’”  Let them know you are sincere.

“We say to our friends, ‘How are you Bud?’  If you give a one word answer like ‘great,’ I’ve got to follow up with something like ‘Bud, bring me up to date – what’s been going on in your life since the last time I saw you?’  Now you know that I really want to know how you are, otherwise ‘how are you’ will end up meaning ‘hello.’  That’s all it means.

“By the same token you don’t want to become what I can an ‘FBI agent.’ That’s why one follow up question is important, but no more after that.  “

Debra makes some great points about the power of questions in conversation.  The key here is to ask questions, listen to what people have to say and respond appropriately.  Then file away what you’ve learned.  I recommend writing it down so you won’t forget.  Review what you know about a person prior to visiting with him or her.  This will help you prepare for the conversation by choosing the questions you want to ask.

Listening is the way to take advantage of the questions you ask.  Dr. Joyce Brothers provides some great career advice when it comes to listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

There are some generally accepted ideas about what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on conversation and listening.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site last September.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  You can find out about the membership site by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb

You can create your career success by becoming a dynamic communicator.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator you need to become a great conversationalist, a clear concise writer and a dynamic presenter.  Today I want to discuss how to become a great conversationalist.

Listening is the key to becoming a great conversationalist.  Dr. Joyce Brothers makes an interesting point about listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

Here are my thoughts on what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on how to become a great conversationalist by listening well.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily thoughts on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site on September 1.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  To celebrate the grand opening, I’m giving away a new career advice book I’ve written called I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb.  You can find out about the membership site and get the career advice in I Want YOU… for free by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb.

You can create your career success by becoming a dynamic communicator.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator you need to become a great conversationalist, a clear concise writer and a dynamic presenter.  Today I want to discuss how to become a great conversationalist.

Listening is the key to becoming a great conversationalist.  Dr. Joyce Brothers makes an interesting point about listening.

“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

She’s right!

When you really listen to someone, really listen, giving him or her your complete and undivided attention, you are showing that you care about him or her as a human being.  What could be more flattering?

The US Department of Labor suggests several reasons for developing your listening skills.  Developing your listening skills will help you:

• Better understand assignments and what is expected of you.
• Build rapport with co-workers, bosses and customers.
• Show support for others.
• Work better in a team based environment.
• Resolve problem with co-workers, bosses and customers
• Answer questions completely.
• Find the underlying meaning in what others say.

Here are my thoughts on what it takes to be a good listener:

• Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are speaking.
• Don’t interrupt – except to ask a clarification question.
• Use non verbal cues – nod your heard, lean toward the other person, sit still – that indicate you are listening.
• Repeat what the other person says – to be sure you understand, and to get clarification.

I have a worked out a listening to speaking ratio for effective conversations.  Listen two thirds of the time.  Speak one third of the time.  In this way, you are giving the other person more time to share his or her thoughts and ideas with you.  You will be flattering him or her by your willingness to listen.

Listening is more than just not talking.  To listen well, you need to mentally engage with the other person.  You need to focus on what he or she is saying, and you need to respond in a manner that indicates that you are paying attention.

You should listen the most diligently when you find yourself disagreeing with what the other person is saying.  It’s easy to tune out someone with whom you disagree.  When you really listen to what he or she has to say, you are not only demonstrating respect for his or her as a person, you put yourself in a position to learn something new.

The people who host many of the television political talk shows are terrible listeners.  They invite people who hold opposing views to be on their show.  They ask provocative questions.  And then begin to argue with their guest as soon as he or she begins speaking.  This may be good TV, but it is a poor example of how to truly listen and engage with another person.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  Successful people have well developed communication skills.  They are good conversationalists.  They write clearly and succinctly.  They present well.  If you want to become a good conversationalist, you need to learn to listen well.  Focus your attention on the other person, pay attention to what he or she says.  Respond appropriately.  Listen more than you speak.  Show people that you value them and what they have to say.

That’s my career advice on how to become a great conversationalist by listening well.  What do you think?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always, thanks for reading my daily thoughts on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, please download a free copy of my popular career advice book Success Tweets and its companion piece Success Tweets Explained.  The first gives you 140 bits of career success advice tweet style — in 140 characters or less.  The second is a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

PPS: I opened a membership site on September 1.  It’s called My Corporate Climb and is devoted to helping people create career success inside large corporations.  To celebrate the grand opening, I’m giving away a new career advice book I’ve written called I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb.  You can find out about the membership site and get the career advice in I Want YOU… for free by going to http://www.mycorporateclimb.

Did you watch any of the Tour de France?  Cadel Evans of Australia won it all.  He was amazing to watch in the Alps on Thursday and Friday and in the time trial on Saturday.  I was glued to my TV set every night during the race.  I found it oddly compelling – don’t know what it is, but bicycle racing is very interesting to me.   We’re having a pro cycling race here in Colorado in August.  I’m looking forward to watching a few stages in person.

Today’s career advice comes from a story related to the Tour de France.  Lance Armstrong won several Tours while riding for the now defunct US Postal Service team.  I was in my local bike shop around the time he was winning all those tours.  They were offering a US Postal Service bike team cap for sale.  I bought one and was quite proud to wear it.

I was wearing it in a local supermarket where I went to pick up a few things.  The checkout woman looked at my hat and said, “Do you work for the post office?”  I said “no,” and explained about the USPS pro cycling team.  I got a blank stare in return.

There is some common sense career advice in this story.  Here it is…

Never assume that you know what other people are thinking.  You’ll be wrong a lot of the time.

Assumptions are a great communication killer.   Here’s another story to illustrate that point…

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He lives in New York and is a big basketball fan.  The license plate on one of his cars has a New York Knicks logo in the middle with the letters SLM DNK flanking it.  Most people quickly recognize this as “Slam Dunk.”

One day, Rob was taking a client to lunch.  As they approached his car, she asked him if he had met a lot of women as a result of his license plate.  He was somewhat puzzled and asked her what she thought the letters meant.  She said, “That’s easy – Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”  Rob was flabbergasted.  He was 100% sure that anyone who saw his vanity plate would realize that it meant Slam Dunk.   By the way, his other car has a vanity plate that says “FST BRK.”  I’ll give a free download of my latest career success book I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb to everyone who deciphers that license plate message correctly and leaves a comment.

Back to the story…

While it might seem strange that someone would interpret a message meant to be “Slam Dunk” as “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids” it makes more sense if you understand the context.  This particular woman is single and in her mid 30’s.  She had mentioned to Rob on more than one occasion that she would like to get married and start a family.  Her biological clock was ticking.  When you look at the license plate from her position, it makes some sense that “Slam Dunk” means “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

My US Postal Service bicycling team hat and Rob’s vanity plate stories illustrate the importance of not making assumptions when it comes to human communication.  Assumptions are communication killers and, more important, potential relationship killers.  Test your assumptions.  Make sure you are actually communicating, instead of just thinking you are.  This is true for all three of the major forms of business communication – conversation, writing and presenting.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve, you need to become a dynamic communicator – in conversation, writing and presenting.  Assumptions are communication killers.  Dynamic communicators test their assumptions to make sure that the message they are intending to send is actually being received by other people.  Put yourself in the place of the people with whom you are communicating.  Are they likely to understand the nuances of what you are saying?  If not, take the time to explain things as you go along.

That’s my career advice on becoming a dynamic communicator.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

Did you watch any of the Tour de France?  Cadel Evans of Australia won it all.  He was amazing to watch in the Alps on Thursday and Friday and in the time trial on Saturday.  I was glued to my TV set every night during the race.  I found it oddly compelling – don’t know what it is, but bicycle racing is very interesting to me.   We’re having a pro cycling race here in Colorado in August.  I’m looking forward to watching a few stages in person.

Today’s career advice comes from a story related to the Tour de France.  Lance Armstrong won several Tours while riding for the now defunct US Postal Service team.  I was in my local bike shop around the time he was winning all those tours.  They were offering a US Postal Service bike team cap for sale.  I bought one and was quite proud to wear it.

I was wearing it in a local supermarket where I went to pick up a few things.  The checkout woman looked at my hat and said, “Do you work for the post office?”  I said “no,” and explained about the USPS pro cycling team.  I got a blank stare in return.

There is some common sense career advice in this story.  Here it is…

Never assume that you know what other people are thinking.  You’ll be wrong a lot of the time.

Assumptions are a great communication killer.   Here’s another story to illustrate that point…

Rob Likoff is a friend of mine.  He lives in New York and is a big basketball fan.  The license plate on one of his cars has a New York Knicks logo in the middle with the letters SLM DNK flanking it.  Most people quickly recognize this as “Slam Dunk.”

One day, Rob was taking a client to lunch.  As they approached his car, she asked him if he had met a lot of women as a result of his license plate.  He was somewhat puzzled and asked her what she thought the letters meant.  She said, “That’s easy – Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”  Rob was flabbergasted.  He was 100% sure that anyone who saw his vanity plate would realize that it meant Slam Dunk.   By the way, his other car has a vanity plate that says “FST BRK.”  I’ll give a free download of my latest career success book I Want YOU…To Succeed in Your Corporate Climb to everyone who deciphers that license plate message correctly and leaves a comment.

Back to the story…

While it might seem strange that someone would interpret a message meant to be “Slam Dunk” as “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids” it makes more sense if you understand the context.  This particular woman is single and in her mid 30’s.  She had mentioned to Rob on more than one occasion that she would like to get married and start a family.  Her biological clock was ticking.  When you look at the license plate from her position, it makes some sense that “Slam Dunk” means “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

My US Postal Service bicycling team hat and Rob’s vanity plate stories illustrate the importance of not making assumptions when it comes to human communication.  Assumptions are communication killers and, more important, potential relationship killers.  Test your assumptions.  Make sure you are actually communicating, instead of just thinking you are.  This is true for all three of the major forms of business communication – conversation, writing and presenting.

The career success coach point here is simple common sense.  If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve, you need to become a dynamic communicator – in conversation, writing and presenting.  Assumptions are communication killers.  Dynamic communicators test their assumptions to make sure that the message they are intending to send is actually being received by other people.  Put yourself in the place of the people with whom you are communicating.  Are they likely to understand the nuances of what you are saying?  If not, take the time to explain things as you go along.

That’s my career advice on becoming a dynamic communicator.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment.  As always thanks for reading my daily musings on life and career success.  I value you and I appreciate you.

Bud

PS: If you haven’t already done so, you can download a free copy of my latest career success book Success Tweets Explained.  It’s a whopping 390 + pages of career advice explaining each of the common sense tweets in Success Tweets in detail.  Go to http://budurl.com/STExp to claim your free copy.  You’ll also start receiving my daily life and career success quotes.

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  That really pleases me.  It has become a greater success than I thought it would be.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 32 more to go.  Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 109…

Use the 2/3 – 1/3 rule.  Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time.  Focus your complete attention on the other person.

Listening to others and then responding appropriately is one of my first rules for becoming an outstanding conversationalist and a career success.  I always urge my career success coach clients to do three things when they are in conversation.  1) Ask lots of questions.  2) Really listen to what the other person is saying.  3) Respond appropriately.  Number 3 is very important.  Laugh if the person says something funny.  Commiserate if the person reveals something that is sad.  Make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  That’s why listening is so important.  You can gain a reputation as a great conversationalist – even if you don’t say much.  Listening is that important.  That’s why the 2/3 – 1/3 rule is such great career advice.

Of course, adding your thoughts to the conversation doesn’t hurt – as long as you keep them focused on what the other person is saying.  If you absolutely need to change the subject, let him or her know.  Say something like, “I understand and appreciate what you’re saying.  If we’re done with that topic, I need to speak with you about something else.  OK?”  In that way, you’re demonstrating your respect for the other person and signaling your intent to move on to a different subject.

In her great book, CEO Material, my friend Debra Benton has a lot to say about listening and conversation.  Here is a small sample…

“The best way to influence others is with your ears.  If you listen in a way that causes people to feel heard, you’ll hear things right the first time, maintain the self esteem of others, build better relationships, see nuances.

“Shut out other people and distractions, and stop thinking about what anyone else is thinking or your response.  Take off your headphones, stop texting, turn off your cell phone, put away your Blackberry.  Don’t doodle; fidget with your hands, arms or fingers’ squirm; body rock: or get up and move around (like you have ADD).  Instead, lean forward, tilt your head a little, give some eye contact, and maybe throw in a brow furrow, don’t glance around or act bored, disbelieving, or disagreeing.  Just listen to the person who is talking, remember what he or she says, and say some of it back to that person later. 

“Don’t quit listening if you don’t like what you’re hearing.  Pay attention to complete information.  Try to make sense of the data, even if you don’t agree.  Not every misguided opinion needs to be corrected by you.  Pick your battles, as they say.  You’ll create calm for both of you — and the other person will more likely listen to you also.”

That is not only great advice on listening.  It’s great career advice as well. 

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Conversation skills are one key to becoming a dynamic communicator and a career success.  Follow the career advice in Tweet 109 in Success Tweets.  “Use the 1/3 – 2/3 rule.  Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time.  Focus your complete attention on the other person.”   Listening is at the heart of being a good conversationalist.  If you want to become known as a good conversationalist, do three things: 1) Ask lots of questions.  2) Really listen to what the other person is saying.  3) Respond appropriately.  If you make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention, you’ll be able to conduct a productive conversation with just about anyone you meet, become known as a dynamic communicator and be on your way to the life and career success you want and deserve.

That’s my take on listening, conversations, career success and the career advice in Success Tweet 109.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts and ideas with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  That really pleases me.  It has become a greater success than I thought it would be.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 32 more to go.  Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 109…

Use the 2/3 – 1/3 rule.  Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time.  Focus your complete attention on the other person.

Listening to others and then responding appropriately is one of my first rules for becoming an outstanding conversationalist and a career success.  I always urge my career success coach clients to do three things when they are in conversation.  1) Ask lots of questions.  2) Really listen to what the other person is saying.  3) Respond appropriately.  Number 3 is very important.  Laugh if the person says something funny.  Commiserate if the person reveals something that is sad.  Make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  That’s why listening is so important.  You can gain a reputation as a great conversationalist – even if you don’t say much.  Listening is that important.  That’s why the 2/3 – 1/3 rule is such great career advice.

Of course, adding your thoughts to the conversation doesn’t hurt – as long as you keep them focused on what the other person is saying.  If you absolutely need to change the subject, let him or her know.  Say something like, “I understand and appreciate what you’re saying.  If we’re done with that topic, I need to speak with you about something else.  OK?”  In that way, you’re demonstrating your respect for the other person and signaling your intent to move on to a different subject.

In her great book, CEO Material, my friend Debra Benton has a lot to say about listening and conversation.  Here is a small sample…

“The best way to influence others is with your ears.  If you listen in a way that causes people to feel heard, you’ll hear things right the first time, maintain the self esteem of others, build better relationships, see nuances.

“Shut out other people and distractions, and stop thinking about what anyone else is thinking or your response.  Take off your headphones, stop texting, turn off your cell phone, put away your Blackberry.  Don’t doodle; fidget with your hands, arms or fingers’ squirm; body rock: or get up and move around (like you have ADD).  Instead, lean forward, tilt your head a little, give some eye contact, and maybe throw in a brow furrow, don’t glance around or act bored, disbelieving, or disagreeing.  Just listen to the person who is talking, remember what he or she says, and say some of it back to that person later. 

“Don’t quit listening if you don’t like what you’re hearing.  Pay attention to complete information.  Try to make sense of the data, even if you don’t agree.  Not every misguided opinion needs to be corrected by you.  Pick your battles, as they say.  You’ll create calm for both of you — and the other person will more likely listen to you also.”

That is not only great advice on listening.  It’s great career advice as well. 

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Conversation skills are one key to becoming a dynamic communicator and a career success.  Follow the career advice in Tweet 109 in Success Tweets.  “Use the 1/3 – 2/3 rule.  Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time.  Focus your complete attention on the other person.”   Listening is at the heart of being a good conversationalist.  If you want to become known as a good conversationalist, do three things: 1) Ask lots of questions.  2) Really listen to what the other person is saying.  3) Respond appropriately.  If you make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention, you’ll be able to conduct a productive conversation with just about anyone you meet, become known as a dynamic communicator and be on your way to the life and career success you want and deserve.

That’s my take on listening, conversations, career success and the career advice in Success Tweet 109.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts and ideas with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing.  That really pleases me.  It has become a greater success than I thought it would be.  You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com. 

I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 34 more to go.  Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 107…

Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking.  Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.

Dynamic communication is a career success competency.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to develop three skills: conversation, writing and presenting.  The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word “dynamic” as, “Marked by continuous and productive activity.”  In many ways, this is a good definition for an effective conversation. 

In a conversation, two types of activities occur simultaneously: speaking and listening.  In good conversations, both of these are continuous and productive.  In plain English, when you’re in a conversation, if you’re not speaking and providing information, you need to be listening and receiving it.

In other posts I’ve pointed out that asking good questions is an important way to become known as a great conversationalist.  But to take full advantage of the questions you ask, you need to really listen to the answers and respond appropriately.

Here are my top seven tips for becoming a good listener – and conversationalist.

1. Look the other person in the eye when he or she is speaking.  This demonstrates that you are engaged with him or her.

2. Listen to understand what the other person is saying – not to plan your rebuttal.

3. Listen really hard when the other person begins by saying something with which you don’t agree.

4. Know the words that trigger your emotions.  Don’t get distracted by them.

5. Be patient.  Some people take longer than others to make their point. Don’t interrupt.

6. Ask clarification questions when you don’t understand.

7. Repeat what you have heard the other person say – to make sure you got it right, and to show him or her that you were listening.

These seven tips are great career advice.  If you use them in conversation, you will become known as a great conversationalist and a dynamic communicator.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people are competent.  Dynamic communication is an important key success competency.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you have to become a good conversationalist.  To become a good conversationalist follow the career advice in tweet 107 in Success Tweets.  “Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking. Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.”  Learn to listen well.  Listening, like a lot of career success advice, is just common sense.  Show the other person you are engaged.  Focus on understanding, not on rebutting points with which you don’t agree.  Don’t get distracted by words that trigger your emotions.  Ask clarification questions to ensure you understand what is being said.  Repeat what you’ve heard.  Most of all, get in the habit of listening more that speaking.

That’s my take on listening and the career advice in Success Tweet 107.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your best listening advice.  As always, thanks for reading – and writing.

Bud