Self confidence is one of the keys to career success in my Career Success GPS System.  If you want to become self confident you need to do three things.  1) Become an optimist.  2) Face your fears and act.  3) Surround yourself with positive people.

Fear is the enemy of self confidence – and success.  Most people fear failure, criticism and rejection.  It’s only normal.  We all want to feel good about ourselves.  Failure, criticism and rejection are not pleasant experiences.  They lower our self esteem and make us feel bad about ourselves, so we often avoid doing things that we think might lead to failure, criticism or rejection.  As a career success coach, I advise my clients to have to have the courage to do things that might result in failure, criticism or rejection.

Failure, criticism and rejection provide you with the opportunity to grow and develop – to become a career success.   You can’t take failure, criticism and rejection personally.  Failure, criticism and rejection are outcomes.  They are a result of things you have done.   They are not who you are.  Remember that.  We all make mistakes and fail on occasion.  We all do things that cause others to criticize or reject us.  This doesn’t mean that we are failures.  It means that we have made some poor choices and done some dumb things.

Failure, criticism and rejection provide the opportunity to start over – hopefully a little smarter.  Buckminster Fuller once said, “Whatever humans have learned had to be learned as a consequence of trial and error experience.  Humans have learned only through mistakes.”  As a career success coach I agree with him.

That’s why fear is the enemy of self confidence and career success.  If your fear of failure and criticism, and rejection paralyzes you to the point where you aren’t willing to take calculated risks, you’ll never learn anything or accomplish any of your goals.

Don’t be too hard on yourself when you fail, or when others criticize or reject you.  Instead, put your energy into figuring out why you failed and then do something different.  Here are my four career success coach questions to ask yourself the next time you fail, or get criticized or rejected.

1. Why did I fail?  Why did I get criticized or rejected?  What did I do to cause the failure, criticism or rejection?
2. What could I have done to prevent the failure, criticism or rejection?
3. What have I learned from this situation? 
4. What will I do differently the next time?

If you do this, you’ll be using failure, criticism and rejection to your advantage.  In Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill says, “Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.”  ‘

I know it’s hard to see the benefit or opportunity in failure, criticism and rejection.  But it’s there – you just have to look hard enough.  But it all begins by facing your fear and acting.

A year ago, my niece Brett and her move from Florida to San Diego.  She left a good job in Florida.  She had no job lined up in San Diego when she moved.  Several people criticized her for making such an audacious move.  I thought that she demonstrated amazing optimism in making such a long move in such a difficult economy.  I’m happy to report that 17 days after she arrived in San Diego Brett landed a job as an account manager for an athletic apparel manufacturer.  She has received two promotions since.  I’m proud of her.  She didn’t let her fear of failure, criticism or rejection stop her from pursuing her dreams.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Our most common fears are failure, criticism and rejection.  However, if you choose to find and use the learning opportunity in failure, criticism and rejection you will not only become more self confident, you will become more successful.   It’s sad but true – failure, criticism and rejection are the price you pay for becoming a personal and professional success.  Facing your fear of failure, criticism and rejection and acting will pay big dividends in your life and career.

That’s my take on the importance of facing your fears and acting.  What’s yours?  What have you learned from facing your fears?  How has it helped you become more self confident?  Please leave a comment sharing your story with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Like about a zillion other people, I went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D over the weekend.  Tim Burton did a good job directing an enjoyable film. 

But as a career success coach, I’m always looking for messages that relate to my message on career success.  I found it near the end of the film.  If you’ve read Alice in Wonderland, you know that the White Queen tells her “Some days I believe in six impossible things before breakfast.” 

I don’t want to spoil the end of the film for you, but in this version Alice has to do battle with the Red Queen’s Jabberwocky, a very fearsome character.  As she prepares to fight the creature, she lists out loud six impossible things in which she believes.  The last is, “I will slay the Jabberwocky.”  Because this is a fairy tale and the good guys always win in fairy tales, I don’t think I’m giving anything away by telling you that she succeeds.  Alice slays the Jabberwocky – in pretty dramatic fashion.

There is a career success point here.  We all have our fears, our personal Jabberwockies – things we think we can’t do, things that scare us.   Sometimes these things scare us so much we don’t even try. 

Self confidence is one of the four keys to career success that make up my Career Success GPS System.  Self confident people share three traits in common: they are optimistic, they face their fears and act, and they surround themselves with positive people. 

In my forthcoming book Career Success GPS, I mention that fear is the enemy of self confidence.  Think of your fears as your personal Jabberwockies.  As a career success coach, I tell my clients that procrastination is the manifestation of fear.   When I find myself procrastinating, I stop and ask myself “What are you afraid of here, Bud?”

Usually, the answer is one of the 12 most common fears on the list below.  Which of these stop you from moving forward?   What are you doing about them?

1. Fear of failure – This type of fear has its roots in the misconception that everything you do has to be 100% successful.
2. Fear of success – This type of fear is based on the idea that success is likely to mean more responsibility and attention, coupled with pressure to continue to perform at a high level.
3. Fear of being judged – This type of fear comes from the need for approval that most people develop in childhood.
4. Fear of emotional pain – This type of fear is rooted in wanting to avoid potential negative consequences of your actions.
5. Fear of embarrassment – This type of fear is a result of empowering others to judge you when you demonstrate that you’re only human by making mistakes and having lapses of judgment.
6. Fear of being abandoned or being alone – This type of fear is related to rejection and low self esteem.
7. Fear of rejection – This type of fear comes from personalizing what others do and say.
8. Fear of expressing your true feelings – This type of fear holds you back from engaging in open, honest dialogue with the people in your life.
9. Fear of intimacy – This type of fear manifests itself by an unwillingness to let others get too close, less they discover the “real you.”
10. Fear of the unknown – This type of fear manifests itself as needless worry about all of the bad things that could happen if you decide to make a change in your life.
11. Fear of loss – This type of fear is related to the potential pain associated with no longer having something or someone of emotional significance to you.
12. Fear of death – The ultimate fear of the unknown.  What will happen once our spirits leave our bodies?

By identifying your fear, you are more than half way to conquering it. 

Here are my best tips for doing battle with your fears and slaying your personal Jabberwockies. 

Identify what you fear.  Figure out why you’re afraid. Is it fear of failure?  Is it fear of making the wrong decision?  Is it fear of a lost opportunity?  Are you afraid that you aren’t up to task?  Once you identify the reason behind your fear, you are well on the way to overcoming it.

Admit your fears.  It’s OK to be afraid. You wouldn’t be human if you were never afraid. A common definition of courage is the ability to feel fear and still do what you need to do regardless. In 1988, I faced a very frightening decision. Should I stay in a comfortable but ultimately unsatisfying job with a large corporation, or should I start my own business?  I was afraid of failing. Failing meant that I would lose my savings and have to start over again, looking for a job in another corporation. However, once I identified and admitted my fear, I was able to take the next step – acceptance.

Accept your fears.  Accepting your fears is important, because it shows that you know you’re human. Once I accepted that I was afraid of failing, I was able to start my business and succeed. In fact, I embraced my fear of failure. It made me work harder; it pushed me to work the long hours and learn the entrepreneurship lessons necessary to be successful as a self employed coach, consultant and speaker.

Take action. Action cures fear.  It is the most important of these four steps. Do something! The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll find it was the wrong thing to do – and you will have eliminated at least one thing from your list of possible actions.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Action is the antidote to fear.   In the newly released 3D version of Alice in Wonderland, Alice was afraid, but she picked up her sword and did battle with the fearsome Jabberwocky.  You need to do the same.  In most cases, just like Alice you’ll succeed and your fears won’t be realized. In the cases where things don’t work out, you’ll find that failure isn’t as catastrophic as you imagined. Successful people learn from their failures. Take it from a career success coach, by taking action on your fears, by doing battle with your personal Jabberwocky’s, you win on both counts. You win if you make good decisions and things work out. You even win if you make a bad decision and things go poorly, because you have an opportunity to learn from your actions and the subsequent problems you faced.

That’s my take on Alice in Wonderland and facing your fears.  What’s yours?  Please take a moment to leave a comment sharing your thoughts.  As always, thanks for reading.  And, keep slaying those Jabberwockies.

Bud

Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that is part of my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss it in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart your Professional Success. 

You can become self confident by doing three things.  First, choose optimism.  Believe in your heart of hearts that today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today.  Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and inaction feed fear and rob you of self confidence.  Action cures fear.  Third, surround yourself with positive people.  Don’t let the naysayers into your life.  Hang around with people who are positive about themselves, their careers and life in general.

Fear is the enemy of self confidence.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Procrastination is the manifestation of fear.   When I find myself procrastinating, I stop and ask myself “What are you afraid of here, Bud?”

Usually, the answer is on the 12 most common fears on the list below.  Which of these stop you from moving forward?   What are you doing about them?

1. Fear of failure – This type of fear has its roots in the misconception that everything you do has to be 100% successful.

2. Fear of success – This type of fear is based on the idea that success is likely to mean more responsibility and attention, coupled with pressure to continue to perform at a high level.

3. Fear of being judged – This type of fear comes from the need for approval that most people develop in childhood.

4. Fear of emotional pain – This type of fear is rooted in wanting to avoid potential negative consequences of your actions.

5. Fear of embarrassment – This type of fear is a result of empowering others to judge you when you demonstrate that you’re only human by making mistakes and having lapses of judgment.

6. Fear of being abandoned or being alone – This type of fear is related to rejection and low self esteem.

7. Fear of rejection – This type of fear comes from personalizing what others do and say.

8. Fear of expressing your true feelings – This type of fear holds you back from engaging in open, honest dialogue with the people in your life.

9. Fear of intimacy – This type of fear manifests itself by an unwillingness to let others get too close, less they discover the “real you.”

10. Fear of the unknown – This type of fear manifests itself as needless worry about all of the bad things that could happen if you decide to make a change in your life.

11. Fear of loss – This type of fear is related to the potential pain associated with no longer having something or someone of emotional significance to you.

12. Fear of death – The ultimate fear of the unknown.  What will happen once our spirits leave our bodies?

By identifying your fear, you are more than half way to conquering it.  Here is my four step plan for conquering your fears.

Here are my tips for doing battle with your fears. 

Identify what you fear.  Use the list above to figure out why you’re afraid. Is it fear of failure?  Is it fear of making the wrong decision?  Is it fear of a lost opportunity?  Are you afraid that you aren’t up to task?  Once you identify the reason behind your fear, you are well on the way to overcoming it.

Admit your fears.  It’s OK to be afraid. You wouldn’t be human if you were never afraid. A common definition of courage is the ability to feel fear and still do what you need to do regardless. In 1988, I faced a very frightening decision. Should I stay in a comfortable but ultimately unsatisfying job with a large corporation, or should I start my own business?  I was afraid of failing. Failing meant that I would lose my savings and have to start over again, looking for a job in another corporation. However, once I identified and admitted my fear, I was able to take the next step – acceptance.

Accept your fear.  Accepting your fear is important, because it shows that you know you’re human. Once I accepted that I was afraid of failing, I was able to start my business and succeed. In fact, I embraced my fear of failure. It made me work harder; it pushed me to work the long hours and learn the entrepreneurship lessons necessary to be successful as a self employed coach, consultant and speaker.

Take action. Action cures fear.  It is the most important of these four steps. Do something! The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll find it was the wrong thing to do – and you will have eliminated at least one thing from your list of possible actions.

Action is the antidote to fear. In most cases, you’ll choose wisely and your fears won’t be realized. In the cases when you choose poorly, you’ll find that failure isn’t as catastrophic as you imagined. Successful people learn from their failures. By taking action on your fears, you win on both counts. You win if you make a good decision and things work out. You even win if you make a bad decision and things go poorly, because you have an opportunity to learn from your decision and the subsequent problems you faced.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Procrastination is the physical manifestation of fear.  When you find yourself procrastinating, figure out what scares you about the situation.  Is it fear of failure?  Is it fear of success? Is it fear of rejection?  Is it fear of being embarrassed?  Is it fear of the unknown?  Once you’ve figured out why you are afraid, do three things; admit your fear to yourself, embrace your fear, take action.  Action is the antidote to fear. 

That’s my take on dealing with your fears.  What’s yours?  Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that is part of my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss it in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart your Professional Success. 

You can become self confident by doing three things.  First, choose optimism.  Believe in your heart of hearts that today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today.  Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and inaction feed fear and rob you of self confidence.  Action cures fear.  Third, surround yourself with positive people.  Don’t let the naysayers into your life.  Hang around with people who are positive about themselves, their careers and life in general.

A while back I did a blog post in which I mentioned Evelyn Roberts Brooks new book, Forget Your Troubles.  I discussed her S.M.A.R.T. method for dealing with stress.  You can find that post here.

I was doing some more reading in Forget Your Troubles yesterday and came across some interesting points Evelyn makes about fear.  And, as you already know, if you want to build your self confidence and success, you need to face your fears and act. 

Here’s what Evelyn has to say…

• Take your worst fear and look at it from every angle.
• Examine it carefully.
• See what would happen if the absolutely worst most horrible terrible thing did indeed come to pass.
• Sit quietly with that image.
• Exhale.  Realize that if that horrible thing did happen…
• You would find the inner strength and resources and the help you need from outside sources to deal with it in the present moment…
• Which hasn’t come yet.

The stress comes from the fact that right now, this minute, you are imaging a future event that has not happened.  We create TV dramas of future events in our heads and play them out, feeling every emotion as it’s real – but it’s fake!

Take responsibility and take action.  But leave the worrying about the future to other people who don’t mind the stomach aches, wrinkles, insomnia and high blood pressure they get in return.

As I read this, I got to thinking that Evelyn is making the case for facing your fears and acting.  In essence, she says that worrying about something that could happen is just as, or even more, debilitating than going ahead and doing something and dealing with the consequences.  I’ve found that when you face your fears and act, more often than not the consequences turn out to be positive.  And, when they’re negative, you can use them as a learning opportunity.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Inaction and procrastination kill your self confidence.  They also can create stressors that can have a negative impact on your life and health.  When you face your fears and act, you are taking responsibility for building your self confidence and creating the successful life and career that you want and deserve.  Action cures fear.  It beats stress.  It builds your self confidence.  And it puts you on the road to a successful life and career.  The message is clear – do something!

That’s my take on action, stress, self confidence and success.   What’s yours?   Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, you have my most humble and deepest thanks for reading.

Bud

Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that is part of my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss it in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart your Professional Success. 

You can become self confident by doing three things.  First, choose optimism.  Believe in your heart of hearts that today will be better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today.  Second, face your fears and act.  Procrastination and inaction feed fear and rob you of self confidence.  Action cures fear.  Third, surround yourself with positive people.  Don’t let the naysayers into your life.  Hang around with people who are positive about themselves, their careers and life in general.

Fear can — and will — paralyze you.  It can keep you from reaching the career and life success you want and deserve.  If you develop the habit of courage, you can beat fear.  Repetition is the best way to develop the habit of being courageous.  The more you are willing to face your fears – small and large – and act, the quicker courage will become one of the guiding habits in your life. 

Learning is a good way to become courageous.  Fear is caused by ignorance and a lack of knowledge.  When you don’t know, or have limited information about something, you become tense and insecure when you have to deal with it.  Think about scary movies.  When the hero is approaching a door and he or she doesn’t know what’s behind it, and the music is playing some ominous tune, your heart starts thumping and you fear for the hero (at least I do).  The lack of knowledge of what’s behind that closed door causes our fear.

It’s that way in life too.  We fear the unknown and uncertain.  This is normal.  Most of us learned it from our parents.  They wanted to keep us safe, so they taught us to remain with the familiar.  That’s great for childrearing, but it can have negative implications for your career and life success.  For example, you might not apply for a job because you don’t know everything about it and aren’t sure we can do it well right away.  Or you might not be willing to move to a new city for a better opportunity because you don’t know anyone there.

You can defeat your fear of the unknown by learning about the job you’ve been offered or the city where the better opportunity is.  Just gathering information and learning about something will help you build your courage and help you to face your fears and act. 

For me, and for a lot of people, procrastination is the manifestation of fear.  Whenever I become aware of the fact that I am procrastinating, I always ask myself “what are you afraid of here, Bud?”  Once I am able to identify the fear, I’m better able to deal with it.  As I’ve mentioned above, a lot of times, I am afraid of the unknown, of not knowing exactly what will happen if I act.  My other two big fears are fear of failure and fear of rejection. 

When I find that I’m fearing the unknown, I learn as much about the situation as I can.  The more familiar I get with the situation, the less fear it causes, and the easier it is for me to act. 

When I find that I’m fearing failure, I ask “what’s the absolute worst thing that can happen if I fail?”  Usually, I find that the absolute worst thing that can happen is not as scary as the generalized fear of failure.

When I find that I’m fearing rejection, I ask “does what this person, or this group of people think of me more important than what I want to accomplish?”  Again, in most cases what other people think isn’t as important as what I will think of myself if I fail to even try.

The common sense point here is clear.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people face their fears and act.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure and fear of rejection are the three biggest fears most people face.  You can build the habit of courageous by facing your fears and acting.  You can conquer fear of the unknown by learning more about what scares you.  You can conquer fear of failure by determining the absolute worst thing that can happen if you try and fail – and then contrasting it with how good you’ll feel when you succeed.  You can conquer fear of rejection, by putting more emphasis about how you feel about yourself than others feel about you.  The more you can face your fears and act – develop the habit of courage – the more self confident you will become.

That’s my take on fear and self confidence.  What’s yours?  Please take a few minutes to leave a comment, sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud